Page 59 of Ruthless Blade

"Kayden's a mess." My heart lurched. How can he be a mess? He’s the one who fucking caused it. "Coach benched him at practice yesterday, which, if you know him at all, you know never happens. He’s not right. Something’s off.”

Of course something is off. He literally fucked me and dropped me off. He’s a dick.

He took a step forward, his hands going on the railing. “I know you guys have that whole issue with your parents, but he’s torn up about something, and I don’t know how to help him.”

I pursed my lips, “Not that it’s any of your business, but what happened between us is completely his doing. Therefore, it’s not my problem he’s fucked off in the head. I hate to sound like a bitch, but his fuck ups aren’t my problem, Dylan.”

I skated back, shaking my head. I really did sound like a bitch, but fuck, he hurt me. Bad. I’m going through the grieving stages of what I thought would’ve been something between us, only for it to be a lie. Yeah, I’m a little pissed and not particularly feeling anything happy towards him.

He held up his hands, taking a step back, “I didn’t say it was; I wanted to tell you what I saw. You’re probably the only one who can get close to him.”

No, I can’t.

“He doesn’t want me. It’s kind of hard to get close to a man that doesn’t want you. He had a connection to my brother; that’s it. That’s where we draw the line. I’m done worrying about what he thinks of me, and I’m pushing everything I’ve ever felt for him away. He doesn’t want me? Fine. I’m not going to let it stop me from doing what I’m supposed to do.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly, though he didn't look surprised, more like he was filing the confirmation away against whatever theory he'd already built. For a minute he didn’t say anything, as if he was trying to figure out how to respond to that.

“To be fair, I’ve never seen him this worked up. Not even after...” He paused and I knew exactly where he was going. Not after my brother. “It sounds like he’s caught feelings and doesn’t know what to do with them. Maybe you guys need to try talking to each other, instead of pushing each other away.”

Easier said than done. Not that I really want to talk to him anyway.

"I tried,” I said through clenched teeth. He was as stubborn as Kayden, not listening.

“I was the one who told him to fake date you...”

I frowned, my face scrunching up. “What? Why?”

That makes absolutely no sense.

“He was all pissed off one day, and told me what happened between your parents. I gave him the idea to fake date you because I was sure that would do the trick and break them up. I didn’t know it was going to cause a fucking shit show.”

My body froze. “If it wasn’t for you, we’d still be in this no-talking, hate-ignoring thing?”

I want to go back to that. Hating is easier than... I’m not even going to think about it.

His shoulders sagged, “Yeah. Even without my help, he was moving towards that idea all on his own.”

What a mess. We were better off completely ignoring each other, forgetting the other existed. Even if our parents were to get more serious, I could guarantee I would never go back home of my own accord. That ship has sailed. Too many fucking memories, and too many that hurt.

You can’t force someone to like you. That sentence was on repeat, consistently playing like a time loop.

I took a deep breath. “I’m not upset with you. It’s not your fault he’s a dumbass and can’t make his own fucking decisions.”

He bit his lip, and if Hazel were here right now, I’m sure it would’ve driven her crazy. “What are you going to do about your parents?”

I shrugged. I had no idea how to handle that situation. It’d be best if they figured out for themselves what a terrible idea it was. It’d be even better if Mom could wake up and be the woman she used to be instead of being this cold, heartless human that had no compassion for her own daughter.

“I don’t know. It doesn't matter.” I shook my head. “I don’t think either of us will be around much longer. Anyway, I’ll make sure I stay out of his way, like he asked me a long time ago. Things are better that way.”

He didn’t respond, but a text came through on his phone. He pulled it out, a frown coming over his face. “I gotta go.” He looked at me, an intensity in his eyes I couldn’t grasp, “I know you’re mad at him, but please consider talking to him. Even if you both never work things out, give each other some type of closure.”

A scoff escaped my lips as he walked out of the building.

Closure, yeah right. Even when I asked for that, begged for it, it never came. I won’t be getting closure anytime soon.

I went back to the middle of the rink, wishing I could shut down my emotions and ignore my feelings. As much as I didn't want to admit it, Kayden had a hold over me no one else had. It’s always been like that for me, even if it wasn’t for him.

Hating him would be easier.