Page 171 of To Fight and To Fold

Thea might too. To know that her life was traded for another? Especially someone she held in such regard?

Balance.

Life. And death.

For Thea's life, Aaryn had traded another.

The knowledge sat within her just as comfortably as that sword must have felt going through then-Thea's body.

Aaryn swallowed the admission and guilt that wanted to rise like bile.

"What is it?" Thea whispered, and rolled over. Aaryn squeezed her side as if unwilling to let go.

In the dark, not even lit by the moon since it was so far overhead, Aaryn could barely make out her eyes. Her hands moved, creating the picture of her though she couldn't see it herself. She traced Thea's small horns, threaded her fingers through her short hair made of shadows. She cupped her jaw and dragged her thumbs gently along her cheeks, down her throat. For a moment, Aaryn rested her fingers there, letting the thump of her pulse offer comfort.

"You can tell me anything," Thea said, and Aaryn felt her voice against her hand.

Aaryn's throat was tight so she didn't speak. Couldn't.

Thea returned the gesture, stroking Aaryn's face. "Oh, baby," Thea cooed as if her heart was breaking, voice as soft as Aaryn had ever heard it.

Only then did Aaryn realize her cheeks were wet, that she was crying. Thea pulled her into her arms and pressed a hand to the top of her head, tucking her face into Thea's neck. Thea's skin was cool compared to the heat in Aaryn's face, and a muffled sob escaped.

Thea held her while Aaryn cried for all the people they had lost, the good the druids had done betrayed by the very people they had tried to save. She cried for Runa, who'd carried such a secret with her for so long. She cried for Carissa, who'd lost everything twofold and was now out there alone.

She cried for herself, for always wanting the truth and finally finding it in her magic, but the cost was so steep, she wondered if she'd be able to live with it.

Here, with Thea's arms around her, Aaryn knew she would. She'd live with it. Because she knew she'd make that choice again. She'd sacrifice anyone for Thea.

Eventually the tears dried, and Aaryn's breath calmed and her pulse slowed. She parted her lips to apologize, but Thea was there with a kiss and suddenly the adrenaline was back.

She had almost lost Thea. Had seen a sword go through her, seen the pain take her to the ground. She tried to shake the memory out of her head and accidentally shook off the kiss.

"Sleep?" Thea suggested, reading her motion wrong.

"No, no sleep. Sorry, I⁠—"

"Can still see it?"

"I can still see you," Aaryn corrected with a cracked voice. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry for what?" Now Thea was sitting up, framing her face, and Aaryn could make out the worry pinching around her eyes.

"Someone stabbed you through. A sword. I saw the tip—" She choked off and pressed her hand to Thea's torso again, and confessed her sins so she didn't have to see Thea's expression shift into one of disgust. "And when I scored my hand, the magic let me see… so much. So many things. And, and I chose you," she sobbed, and she had to spit this out before Thea left. "But in doing so, I had to balance it, and if you didn't die, then someone had to, and⁠—"

"Baby," Thea said, and tipped her head up. "Aaryn, it's okay."

Through the pounding pressure of emotion in her skull, Aaryn blinked her eyes open. She tried to shake her head but Thea wouldn't let her. "But it's not."

Thea swallowed, and it was audible in the quiet room.

"So, your awakened power lets you…"

"I don't even know," Aaryn whispered. "I don't know what to call it. I just saw all these possibilities. And I saw the one where you didn't die, where you weren't taken from me. And I picked it."

Thea pulled her close, and Aaryn felt her shaky breath on her throat. "You talk in your sleep."

It was so random that it shocked Aaryn into a moment of stunned silence. "What?"