Page 87 of Guarding Colton’s Witness

She was Sam’s social worker. And the woman he loved. Would she think his adopting Sam was the right thing to do? Would she think he was trying to win her back with a grand gesture? But it wasn’t about her. Not entirely.

He took a pull from the bottle, leaning his head back as he watched the smoke rise from the grill. The truth was, he missed Sam. His life was emptier without Matti and Sam in it, but he could have Sam… If Matti would agree to vouch for him. Would she? He hadn’t given up on her, but he didn’t hold out much hope that she’d change her mind.

He got up and checked the chicken, flipped it, and went back to his chair and his mental list. The pros, the biggest one of all, was he loved that kid. Plain and simple. And Sam… The boy needed someone to love, and Ryan wanted to be that person.

Next on his pro list, he could afford a nanny, and the extra hours he put in at the hospital now were on him. He didn’t have to stay after his shift was over. Other doctors didn’t. He only did because he had no one to go home to. He could make it work.

He was going to talk to Matti. Even if it complicated everything. Because he wasn’t walking away from that boy without a fight.

Chapter 37

I don’t want regrets. That was Matti’s last thought before falling asleep. Why did her mother have to put doubts in her mind? The other gem from her mother. Ryan’s your person. Everyone can see that but you. Was that true?

She thought of Ryan, how he’d risked himself without hesitation to protect her and Sam, how he looked at her like she mattered more than anything. How he made her laugh and challenged her. How he kissed her as if she were the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted, how he made love to her as if he worshipped her.

Maybe loving someone like Ryan—someone who might have to walk out the door on Christmas morning or miss a birthday—wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe what mattered more was that he’d always come back.

The clock ticked past midnight. She turned over in bed, staring at the moonlight slanting through the blinds. I don’t want to live with regrets.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep without dreaming of him.

She woke up remembering her dream.

Ryan had been there, standing at the end of a long hallway, his silhouette framed by light. He didn’t speak, he just held out his hand, waiting. She remembered the way her dream-self hesitated, feet rooted in place, afraid to take the first step. But then she ran. Not walked. Ran. And when she reached him, he caught her as if he’d been waiting forever to do just that.

The dream had felt so real. Her fingers twitched against the sheets, aching with the ghost of his touch. Maybe her mother wasn’t wrong this time. Maybe she was the one holding on to fear and calling it reason.

She wasn’t going to let fear make her choices anymore.

“Matti,” Sam whispered, coming into her room. “Are you awake?”

“Yes.” She squinted at the clock, surprised to see she’d overslept.

“I’m hungry.”

“Then let’s get you breakfast.”

“Can I have that chocolate cereal?”

“You mean Cocoa Puffs?”

“That one!”

“Sure.” Today would be her last breakfast with him, and she’d give him anything he wanted. “Why don’t you go get dressed, and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” He ran out of the room.

Her head had been so filled with thoughts of Ryan and what she wanted—or didn’t want—with him that she’d forgotten Sam would be going to the Baileys today. How could she forget that? And now she had to tell him today was the day. What were the right words to make him understand why it was the best thing for him?

After Sam ate two bowls of cereal—claiming Cocoa Puffs would help him grow big and strong like Doc—Matti sat him down next to her on the couch. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Did I do something bad?”

“No. I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“I want you to stop thinking you’re in trouble every time someone wants to talk to you. Can you do that?” She hated that he still worried that he was a bad boy.