Page 83 of Guarding Colton’s Witness

“You’re a coward, Matti,” he whispered.

His things were closed up in her room, but there wasn’t anything he had to have tonight. His wallet and keys were on the coffee table where he’d placed them before he sat down, and he picked them up and put the wallet in his pocket. He stared at the keys. It felt wrong to walk out without telling Sam he was leaving, but what would he say?

He bounced the keys in his hand a few times, thought for a moment, then went to Sam’s room. Sam slept like a starfish, arms and legs spread out. The covers had been kicked off, and Ryan eased them back over the boy before sitting on the edge of the bed. He brushed a lock of hair away from Sam’s face.

“I’m going to miss you, buddy,” he softly said. “I guess Matti will tell you I’m gone. You’re a special boy, and it was an honor to know you.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut against the burning in them.

He stayed there a moment longer, just watching Sam breathe, memorizing the peaceful rise and fall of the boy’s chest. Everything in him rebelled against the idea of walking away, of leaving Matti and Sam behind. But she’d made her choice.

With one last look, he leaned down and kissed Sam’s forehead. “Be good for your new family, okay?”

Ryan stood and slipped quietly from the room, leaving the door slightly ajar like Matti always did. In the living room, the silence pressed in around him as he walked to the front door. His hand froze on the knob. He waited, hoping to hear her call his name.

Nothing.

He opened the door and stepped out into the night, letting it close softly behind him.

Chapter 35

Matti stood with her back pressed to the door, her hands clenched at her sides. Her chest ached, her throat burned from holding back the sob rising within her. She’d stood outside Sam’s bedroom and listened to every word Ryan had said before slinking back to her bedroom. Heard the pain in his voice. And it gutted her.

She told herself she was doing the right thing. Ryan had his life, a demanding career. She couldn’t ask him to give that up for her. The day would come when he’d resent her for it. Her father’s broken promises had taught her too well what came from marrying a man who belonged more to his job than to his family.

Even if Ryan wasn’t her father, even if everything inside her screamed that she’d made the biggest mistake of her life, she stayed behind the door, silent.

And let him go.

He didn’t know, and she wouldn’t tell him that she was falling in love with him. That was why she had to end this thing between them now, before she couldn’t.

She spent the next two days with Sam. After she turned him over to the Baileys, his new family, she would only see him when she did her home visits. She should take him today, not let him get more attached to her…and her to him. But she was going to be selfish and have this last time with him.

Tomorrow night, she would tell him about the Baileys and how happy he was going to be with them. He wouldn’t understand, not right away, but he would grow to love them. She was sure of it. Maybe they’d even adopt him. They’d talked about the possibility of adopting a child. That was one reason she’d chosen them.

* * *

Matti sat cross-legged on the area rug in her small living room, pretending to focus on the picture book open in her lap. Sam was curled beside her, a tangle of skinny limbs, his little body warm and soft against her side.

“When will Doc be here?” he asked. “I like when he reads to me and talks funny. When he talked like a cat, I laughed so hard.”

“Doc had to go to work today.” She’d expected him to ask that question at breakfast since Ryan had always been here when Sam woke up, but he hadn’t.

“He’ll be back when his work is done?”

She should have prepared for that question. She smiled down at the book, blinking fast before the tears could form. “No, sweetie. He won’t be coming back.”

Sam lifted his head to look at her. “But why?”

“Because his work keeps him really busy, and he had to go help people who are sick. That’s what doctors do.”

He was quiet, his little mouth pressing into a stubborn pout. “But he’s my friend.”

“I know.” Her voice quavered, so she cleared her throat and tried again. “He likes you a lot, Sam. We both do. But sometimes…people can’t stay, even when they want to.”

Sam frowned, confusion clouding his big eyes. “Did I do something bad? I’m sorry if I did.”

“No, no, honey.” She dropped the book and pulled him into her lap, holding him close. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t about you, okay? You’re perfect.”

He didn’t answer, just burrowed his face against her neck. She rocked him gently, stroking his hair, her throat tight with emotion.