Page 6 of Own Me

She nods.

“Should we make this room look more like a living room, then? Do you like to read? Watching TV? What do you like to do, Shay?”

She cocks her head to the side, her eyes shift downward, and her mouth opens slightly. She’s thinking, but doesn’t know what to say. I want to figure out what she did with her free time, but I don’t want to bring up too many memories that might be painful.

My job is to acclimate her to being on her own; make her own decisions. Own herself.

“Why don’t we go to my room and write some things down? I can have maintenance put some things in here, and we can arrange them together if you’d like. This will be our personal training room. No one else will be in here with us, so I want to make this a safe space for you.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s grab some dinner first, then we can go to my room for a little while before bedtime. Are you hungry?”

“A little?”

I smile. “Better than nothing. Eat three meals a day. That’s rule 1 with me. Understood?”

“Do you understand, Shay?” I make my voice stern, and she looks up at me.

“Yes, I understand.” She whispers.

I have to go slow with her, but we only have 6 weeks together. I don’t think that’ll be enough time. In a week, I’ll talk to Tabitha again and see what I can do. Until then, I have to put some more rules in and not be afraid to enforce them.

Shay Clarke is going to leave here a confident woman. I’ll make sure of it.

Chapter Four

SHAY

Rayne is nothing like Arin. He’s calm, observant, and extra careful around me. During dinner yesterday, he made sure I ate, asked me what I liked to eat, if I had any allergies, and if I liked to cook. Arin never asked me anything like that. He would make me eat whatever he ate, and everything was always cooked for me by his personal chef.

The only time I ever went into the kitchen was to grab a piece of fruit during the day if I got hungry while he was gone. Rayne has given me one rule so far: I have to eat three meals a day. I’m still not very hungry, but it’s breakfast, and I should at least have some fruit or cereal.

That counts as a meal, right? It’ll have to because I can’t sit and eat a whole ass meal right now; not after eating dinner last night. I woke up when the light started to peek through the curtains in my room. There was no movement or noise in the room next to mine. I assume Rayne stayed there last night, but I’m unsure.

I was quiet as I got up and did my normal morning routine: do some light stretching, brush and floss, and take a shower. The water pressure isn’t as good as it was at Arin’s, but it’ll have to do for now.

Maybe sometime soon I can go to the store and grab my usual toiletries. When I arrived here, I didn’t have anything other than clothes. I miss the smell of my shampoo, and the way my body wash would make my skin feel. I feel off. As much as I don’t want to be here, I'm not sure I’m ready to be on my own yet.

Should I knock on his door and see if he wants to have breakfast with me?

No Shay. Don’t seem overly attached already. I tell myself. I’ve spent so many years trying to please one man; now that another has been ‘assigned’ to me, I can’t help but behave in the same way. I really hope he can help fix me. I hope he can teach me to be on my own.

I put on a plain black maxi dress and a pair of sandals. I felt like I needed something comfy this morning. Plus it’s bright and sunny outside; maybe Rayne will let me out for a bit after breakfast.

As soon as I open my door to walk into the main hallway, the chatter from the dining area overwhelms me. I walk slowly and see most of the small tables filled with what looks like patients and their therapists. They’re all eating, laughing, and chatting away.

I feel a rock sitting in my stomach, and I turn around quickly, bumping into a hard chest. Soft warm hands grab my shoulders to keep me from falling. I look up and am met with gentle green eyes. I want to apologize, but words won’t come out of my mouth. Instead, my eyes fill with tears, and I cover my face with my hands.

Rayne picks me up in his arms and takes me away. I don’t realize where we are until all the noise in my head finally subsides. When I open my eyes again, we are in our therapy room, but unlike last night, the room is no longer empty.

It has a beautiful leather couch in the corner I imagined it should go. A tall bookshelf is in the other corner, filled with books, a dark red area rug covers most of the room, and a TV stand is against the wall. The only thing missing is a coffee table.

I forget why I was upset for a moment and immediately lay down on the couch. I curl up into myself and close my eyes again. Before long, warm hands run up and down my back, soothing me to sleep. It reminds me of when Arin used to rub my back when I was upset. It hurts and feels good at the same time.

RAYNE

I gently stroke her dark curls as her breathing deepens. Her dress is pretty; it hugs all of her curves, but isn’t revealing. She doesn't need anything revealing to look beautiful. There is a natural beauty in her; inside and out. I wonder if she sees it like I do.