Page 21 of Own Me

“Ah. I see.”

“You say Arin was a private man, and you had trouble locating all of this information. Could it be possible Ms. Clarke did not know what was in his will? She’s made zero mention of the things you have presented to me.” I don’t know if this man will be honest with me, but I have to get some answers.

Derrick clicks his tongue before answering. “Mr. Bauer, I am here in the interest of my client. All the information I have given to you has been truthful and all I can share. The rest is in your hands. Please call me when Mrs. Clarke has signed the documents, and we may proceed from there.” He stands and straightens his jacket before picking up his briefcase and leaving the office.

I’m stunned. Has everything she’s told me so far been a lie? I want to look through these documents, but I know it’s not my place. I should speak with Tabitha first and see what she thinks of all this. As I check the time on my phone, I notice I have a missed call from an unknown number. It’s not an area code that I recognize—must be spam.

As I opened the door and turned towards Tabitha’s office, I bumped into someone. Shay. Her brown eyes were wide and filled with tears.

“Was that Arin’s lawyer I saw walk out the front door?” She whispers, and my stomach drops. I don’t know what to believe right now, but I know I can’t hide this from her. Not when she already knows, but before I can say anything, she runs off. I want to follow her and tell her everything will be okay; I just can’t make myself do that right now.

Not until I talk to someone else about this and come to her with a level head. I’m confused and angry that she would keep this from me. If I try to talk to her now, I’ll blow up and make things way worse. Fuck! My feelings are getting the best of me with her, and it wasn’t just the sex last night. No. These feelings have been building up in my short time with Shay. I thought I was breaking down her walls, gaining her trust, and learning about her.

Instead, she’s been keeping the biggest secret from me, and I don’t know where to go from here.

Chapter Fifteen

SHAY

While I was having breakfast alone, I recognized a man who was once Arin’s lawyer walking through the dining area and out the front door. Why was he here? I wasn’t aware that he was going to be here today, but then I remembered when I was in the hospital that lawyers were going to contact me soon about Arin’s will.

After I saw the look on Rayne’s face, I had to run away. I saw disappointment, hurt, and distrust. I ran to my room and jumped into bed to cry. There are so many thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming me right now. Something about the way he looked at me told me that something was terribly wrong. I don’t care how much money Arin did or didn’t leave me; I only want to know that after I’m finished here, I can start my life fresh again, even if it scares me.

I never want to hurt or disappoint Rayne—not after the night we shared. He let me be free in ways I never could have imagined. For the first time, I wasn’t an owned possession, but I was a person with a voice. I wasn’t afraid of doing something wrong or upsetting him. He let me take control of my own pleasure, and I want to do that again with him.

Even though I slept comfortably all night next to Rayne, my eyes grew heavy after crying, and I slowly drifted away to sleep.

“Shay…”

That ethereal voice, which somehow sounds like Arin, wakes me in a dream. I’m back in my room at the mansion, but everything seems different. The walls are painted gray; the floors are red. The surrounding air is hazy. I don’t feel afraid like I did the day I found him. I’m not afraid to leave my room or search the mansion.

“Shay…”

The door opens slowly, but I cannot see what is beyond it. I walk towards the open door and into the darkness; an unknown force is driving me forward through the dark. I find myself in the hallway, but just like my room, it’s different from what it used to be. It’s lifeless and cold. The door to the bathroom is farther than I remember as I walk down the hallway; I feel like I’ve walked a mile before I finally reach the bathroom.

The door is shut; a bright light glows around it. I want to reach the handle and open the door, but my arms won’t move—something is holding me back, and I don’t know why. I can’t will my body to move from this very spot because I know what lies beyond that door. Death. Despair. The truth.

“Shay…”

My body is frozen in place as the door opens on its own, revealing the last place I remember being in before the hospital. Unlike my bedroom or the hallway, the bathroom is as beautiful as it always was. Full of color, with bright walls and elegance. Instead of seeing Arin lying lifeless on the floor, he is standing at the vanity in front of the mirror—adjusting his hair, straightening his tie, just how he used to always do.

I’m standing outside the bathroom observing him—like viewing from a double-sided mirror, and he does not know I’m even here. He breathes in and out deeply before gripping the edges of the vanity. I watch as he splashes water over his flushed face, and he removes his tie, undoing some buttons on his shirt as well. I’m confused and unsure of what is happening to him.

It wasn’t until his breaths became short and fast, his hand clutching his chest, that I realized something was terribly wrong. He was in pain; his skin was paling every second I watched. I can’t move, scream, or cry. My mind is telling me to save him, to do something—anything- but I can’t. I watch as he falls to his knees and crawls to the tub; he lies on his back and takes one final breath.

This is it. This is how I found him. Eyes open—lifeless—skin pale and frozen in time. No matter how much I want to run to him, hold him, and tell him how much I love him, I can’t. The dream fades away as soon as I realize something: it wasn’t my fault. He didn’t kill himself to get away from me.

I wake with a start; my face and pillow are soaked with tears, and the only thing I can do is start screaming. Agonizing, gut-wrenching screams escape my lips, and this is the first time since I found him I’ve released my true feelings. I don’t even hear the door open when I feel warm, muscular arms wrap around me and hold me tight. My mind can’t think straight for a moment, and I think it’s Arin holding me again, but then I recognize the smell of cologne.

Rayne.

“It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!” I repeat against his chest.

“Shay, it’s okay, baby girl, just breathe.” He whispered into my ear, but he didn’t understand. He’ll never understand what happened, or how I feel. How could he?

RAYNE

Shay was trembling and sobbing in my arms; the only thing I knew to do was to hold her tight against me. I don’t understand what she’s talking about right now, especially since I didn’t mention anything that was discussed with the lawyer this morning. Knowing I wouldn’t get anything out of her right now, I pick her up and carry her to our therapy room—she can calm down there. She always seems calmer in there.