Page 18 of Own Me

“Good luck, Rayne. I’m always here if you need me,” she calls out after me. I feel my chest tightening knowing that if I make a mistake or don’t move faster with Shay, Tabitha will most likely take me off the case.

I look at my watch; it’s breakfast time. Shay should be in the dining room, so I’ll go check on her. I’m not hungry at the moment, but I need to make sure my Little Girl is following my rules. As I round the corner to the dining area, I stop in my tracks.

Shay is sitting at the table facing me, but with another man I don’t recognize. He’s not a trainer here—so he must be a patient. She’s eating while conversing and laughing with him. My eye twitches as I see how comfortable she is with another man.

Who the hell is he? And why does she seem so different from any other time I’ve seen her? It’s taken me this long to get her to open up to me, and now she’s getting all chummy with a stranger? Before I can stop myself, I walk over to the table, and once she notices me, she grows stiff and silent.

I look over at her tablemate and narrow my eyes at him. He’s definitely not someone who works here.

“Shay, after you’re finished, meet me in our room. We have a busy day ahead of us.” I walked out without a response. My fists are clenched as I stomp up the stairs.

Shit. Tabitha is right. I am becoming emotionally attached to her. What frightens me is that I don’t know if I want to stop it.

Chapter Thirteen

SHAY

The way Rayne looked at me scared me. His presence screamed possession in a way that Arin used to when he looked at me—especially around other people. I’ve only just met Colin; he arrived a couple of days ago and is trying to adjust. I wouldn’t have talked to him, but all the other tables were full, so I had to sit somewhere to eat breakfast.

When I asked if I could sit with him, he agreed and seemed friendly enough. He too doesn’t like to eat much, but his new therapist set rules to make sure he does—just like Rayne did to me. We connected in that way, and it was nice to finally talk to someone else.

I was surprised to hear Rayne stomping towards us with a look of hate on his face. I’ve never seen him like that before, but it wasn’t hate towards me; it was towards Colin. We both looked at one another, and I excused myself to head upstairs to our therapy room.

I felt cold, so I went back to my room first to grab a sweater. The weather is a bit cooler this morning, and I’m used to wearing dresses and tank tops. Well, that’s all I really have in the suitcase I was given when I arrived here. Since I never really left the house in recent years, I didn’t have to ‘dress for the weather’.

I’ll have to go shopping for more weather-appropriate clothes when I leave here. As I walk up the stairs, I think about all the things I’ll have to buy to furnish a new place, all by myself. I wonder how much money Arin left me, and I hope it’s enough for a small place.

I shudder at the thought of having to get a job. What am I going to do for work? My last job was serving at a local restaurant, and that was so many years ago. I don’t have any useful skills, a degree, or any recent work experience. What place is going to hire me? I’m fucked.

A wave of sadness rushes over me by the time I get to our room. It makes me not want to open the door and face Rayne; I just know he’ll be upset with me, and I don’t know how to deal with it. My stomach sours the moment I open the door and see him sitting on the couch on his computer. He doesn’t even make eye contact with me as I enter the room.

Something is different: the desk is gone, and so is the bookshelf. There is a bed on the other side of the room with two sets of sheets sitting on it.

“Make the bed. You have two choices of color.” His voice is deep; not caring or comforting like before. He makes his command, and my body complies, immediately walking toward the bed and choosing how to dress it. I chose the light pink color, not saying a word as I worked.

My vision blurs as tears fill my eyes, and I quietly sob. I feel so helpless that the only thing that feels right is being told what to do. That hearing a man give a command makes me instantly do what I’m told. I know it’s not right, but it’s all I know.

Maybe finding work won’t be so bad since I’m good at following instructions. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m fucking worthless—no one in their right mind would hire someone like me. All I’m good for is being someone’s dirty secret, hidden away only to be used when needed. Even Arin killed himself to get away from me. That was his way of discarding me.

As soon as the bed is made, I slip off my shoes and crawl into it, facing the wall. Curling up in a fetal position brings me comfort because it reminds me of the first few years I was with Arin. Whenever I was afraid or sad, I would curl up and comfort myself.

“What are you doing? It’s not time to go to sleep.” I don’t answer. My body responds by shivering, but I’m not cold. I’m afraid. Afraid that he is upset with me and that I’ve disappointed him. I want to vomit.

“Shay. Come here, Little One.” I heard his laptop close, but I stayed put. If I move, I might empty my stomach of what I had for breakfast. And I don’t want to do that in front of him. I just want to run and hide in the bathroom. He’s walking towards me, and I want to hide in my skin.

“Shay,” his voice is right above me now. “I don’t enjoy repeating myself. You should know better than to ignore my commands. Now, get up.”

“I don’t feel well.” I groan against my knees.

“You’re fine. Get up and lie down on the couch. We need to talk.”

I sigh and roll over. His arms are crossed, and he’s staring down at me. Not with the same hatred or possessiveness he had earlier, though. His eyes are softer, but he’s right. I know better and should respond immediately instead of being bratty. So I do as I’m told; I get up and shuffle over to the couch, while my stomach flips, and I try to hold down my breakfast.

“Are you going to check on your plants today? Or just ignore them until they die?”

I want to ignore him, but I can’t. My body won’t let me. Before I can think twice, I get up again and check the soil on the plants. I don’t even know what plants these are; maybe I can use his computer to check how to best take care of them. All I know is that if I water them more than they need, I’ll end up killing them anyway.

The soil is a touch dry, so I take the water carafe off the coffee station and pour some water on the plants by the window. Even though it’s cool out, the sun shining through is warm and soothing. I feel Rayne watching me from behind, not saying a word, only observing. Today is the first time he’s been more controlling.