Page 11 of Own Me

“Keep yourself busy for an hour; I have some things to tend to on my computer.” She takes the book and sits back on the couch, not saying a word.

I looked up who Arin was and what he did for a living. He was an investment banker, like his father, and came from money, which is why he had such a nice estate and offered Shay a luxurious life. I’m sure he did a lot of work from home in his office and had her sit around like a toy waiting to be played with.

Her response to my command was not surprising nor alarming. She looked almost relieved that I gave her something simple to do. I wonder how much of her days were spent doing nothing at all. I think I would go insane, but she managed to survive, and I intend to figure out how.

Last year I went back to school for engineering part-time. It was something that I’ve always had an interest in and was decent at in school when I was younger. After I ended things with my last girlfriend, Emma, I decided it was time to look into something different. To expand my knowledge and create new opportunities.

The Institute helped bring out who I was deep down, but I fear I can’t continue doing this full time for very long. My heart hardens more and more after every person I work with.

At first, it was easy. No attachments, no strong feelings of accomplishment or failure. I keep thinking about what Tabitha said this morning: “You can’t fix everything.” She’s right, but Shay deserves a second chance. She deserves someone who can teach her what she needs to know before leaving here.

I’m afraid I’m going to fail her like I have before, and I can’t stand the thought of her being abused again.

Chapter Eight

RAYNE

I had some easy-to-care-for plants brought in this morning. They need little light, and they're easy to care for—so it should be a simple task for Shay to learn to take care of them. I added some more items to our therapy room last night after our first session: blankets, a coffee table and station, more books, and a TV. I never asked her if she watched TV before she came here.

Today’s lesson will be service. The purpose is mindfulness and self-worth. The plants she will care for should be soothing; they will help her create a routine. I want her to make this living area however she feels comfortable. Whatever she wants to do, she is free to do it.

She hasn’t had freedom in many years; I want her to explore what freedom feels like to her. It’s not black and white—freedom is many different things to people. And I want to help her figure out what it means to her. What she wants out of life moving forward. This space will serve as a trial run for the future.

I check my watch, and it's 8:55 a.m. Shay is due here soon; I didn’t have time to run down and grab some breakfast—I hope she didn’t break rule one this morning. I’ll reach out to the kitchen to confirm later. I left all the new items in the middle of the room for her to organize herself. I’ll busy myself reading her notebook; I hope there’s something new in there from yesterday.

A light knock at the door makes me stiff. I don’t know why I’m so tense this morning—I guess I want Shay to get something out of this session. To move forward and learn to heal.

“Come in.”

The door opens a crack, then all the way. Shay walks in wearing a dress with modest heels. The waves in her hair caught the sunlight and distracted me from what I was going to say. Sometimes when I see her, I go into a daze. My eyes wander from her beautiful hair down to her breasts, and I have to stop myself from going further.

“Good morning, sir,” she says, her hands clasped in front of her. Her eyes looked up at me from under thick dark eyelashes.

“Morning, Shay. What did you have for breakfast?” Structure. Routine. I need to implement them now. She looks to her left and sighs.

“I didn’t have any yet. I was waiting for you.” Her head bows down—her shoulders sag, and I notice she doesn’t have the notebook with her.

“That’s very kind of you, but you can have breakfast on your own.” I don’t want to sound harsh, so I continue, “We will share lunch and dinner together, if you’d like.”

“Yes—sir. Since I haven’t eaten yet, will I be punished?”

I clear my throat. “No. I didn’t clarify the rules. I should have, though. They’re still serving breakfast downstairs, so you should get something to eat. We have a busy day ahead of us.” She looks back up at me and looks…disappointed? Her face drops—her chest deflates. Was she trying to break the rules? Or am I reading too much into it?

“Have you eaten?” She asks.

“Uh—n-no,” I stammer. “I lost track of time this morning. It’s alright, I’ll be finishing up here while you’re gone.”

“Okay, I’ll be back.”

Shay returns while I’m in the middle of evaluating the care plan that Tabitha sent to me late last night. I haven’t seen her since I went to her office; she must be busy with her own patients. I’m adding in my own notes and plan of action for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, she approves.

I look up from my computer to see Shay standing in front of my desk with a tray in her hands. She has a small smile on her face, along with satisfaction.

“Did you eat?” I asked, while eyeing the tray in her hands. My stomach stirs, my mouth waters.

“Yes—but since you haven’t eaten, I brought you something.” She brings the tray closer and gently places it on my desk before walking over to the couch and sitting down. I watch as she looks around and notices the plants I placed by the window.

I’m surprised, but I shouldn’t be. She provided Arin with acts of service during their time together. Does it make her happy? Or has she been trained to do so and doesn’t know any different? I need to find out, but first I’ll eat what she brought.