Page 55 of Anything But Lonely
He nods. “I know. And part of the reason Talia and I separated was because of our sex life. We became,” he pauses, searching for the right word, “incompatible.”
“Sexually incompatible?”
He nods. “Our relationship turned into a friendship over time, so slowly we barely realized it was happening. And it became hard to be intimate with each other, even more so after Crew was born,” he explains. “But then those two years all of a sudden became four, and now here we are.” He shakes his head, almost like he can’t believe he’s admitting it.
“Wait, years? Four years?”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “At first, I told myself it was because I was protecting Crew, or because I didn’t want the press having a field day. But eventually, I think I just forgot how to do it, and it became easier not to.”
“Do what?” I ask.
His eyes meet mine. “Be wanted. Want someone. Date. Hook up. All of it,” he admits. “I can stand in front of thousands of people and feel completely confident, but put me in a room with one woman I actually care about impressing, and I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“I’m sorry, can we circle back?” I ask, dropping his hand from mine and tucking my hair behind my ears. “It’s been four years,” I hold up four fingers just to make sure I’m understanding this revelation correctly, “four years since you’ve had sex?”
Mateo nods. “Almost five,” he answers matter-of-factly.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” I deadpan. “Please tell me you’ve at least been masturbating,” I add, because I’m an asshole and can’t help but make a joke out of all of this. “I will gladly be your first fuck in years, but your first orgasm? That’s too much pressure.”
“W-what? No,” he stutters out before saying, “I mean, yes, I have, but—” he slaps a hand against his forehead. “I hate this conversation,” he groans, and I can’t help but laugh.
A small smile spreads on his face, and his shoulders shake with silent chuckles. I immediately feel some tension in the air release, and Mateo seems like he’s lighter on his feet—almost more sturdy.
“This heart-to-heart just made tonight a lot more interesting,” I offer once our laughter dies down.
Mateo raises a brow. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe we can, you know, help each other out?” I offer. “Just for one night.”
“Help each other out with what?” he asks, and I roll my lips together to stifle a giggle.
He really is clueless.
“Well,” I start, “if it’s been so long for you, and you think you have ‘no idea what you’re doing’,” I use air quotes to really get my point across, “then use me.”
He looks scandalized at my offer. “Use you? I’m not going—”
“Relax, rockstar. I give you permission. Plus, being the person to get Mateo Lane in bed post-divorce is a badge of honor I’d proudly wear.”
In the low light of the bedroom, I see the blush I’ve imagined so many times creep across his bare chest, disappearing underneath the black ink on his skin, reminding me of all those empty spaces where my teeth marks would fit perfectly.
“I don’t know about this,” he doubts.
I sigh dramatically, pretending that my stomach isn’t in knots over the fact that this might actually happen.
Me.
Mateo.
“You need to get this first time done and over with. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.” I lean back, grabbing the hem of my shirt, before I lose my nerve. I pull it off over my head, leaving me in just my underwear. On full display, my heart in my throat, telling myself that his rejection won’t absolutely destroy me.
Mateo takes in a sharp inhale, frozen to the spot.
I cock my head to the side. Pasting a smirk over my lips, wearing a mask of confidence. “Come on, rockstar. I know you want to.”
CHAPTER 21
MATEO
