Page 142 of Anything But Lonely

We.

It’s such a small word.

But it means everything.

I turn over my shoulder, finding Mateo’s eyes. “We can come visit anytime you want,” he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead before setting a bouquet of flowers in front of the headstone.

I didn’t even realize he was carrying them.

And it’s in this moment—here with his hand in mine, with Crew beside me, with my mother’s name carved into stone—that I finally stop fighting it.

I let myself feel what I’ve been trying to ignore for so long.

Love.

I am in love with Mateo Lane.

I love him with every fiber of my being.

Every breath. Every heartbeat. Every piece of my soul.

With all that I am. All that I’ve been. All that I’ll ever become.

CHAPTER 46

MATEO

No one prepares you for the day you're supposed to walk your kid to the front doors of an elementary school and let go of his hand.

“Daddy,” Crew whines, and he tries to pull his hand out of mine.

I hold tight, and it makes him laugh.

“Daddy, I got to go,” he says between giggles.

But I still don’t let go.

“Oh, so now that you’re a big ol’ five-year-old, you’re the one who tells me what to do?” I tease, reaching down to tickle his ribs with my other hand, basking in his laughter.

Isn’t this supposed to be the moment he’s holding my legs, hiding behind me, telling me he doesn't want to go?

Of course my kid is the one who is more excited to go to school than when I tried to bribe him into starting Kindergarten a year later.

Granted, that wouldn’t have been the most responsible parenting move—and Talia and Emerson would be the first ones to tell me how ridiculous of an idea it is.

But seriously?

How did we get here so fast?

It feels like yesterday I was rocking him in my arms, listening to his breathing as he slept on my chest, feeling love I didn’t know was even possible.

And now he’s standing here, wearing a backpack that looks too big for his shoulders, ready to walk into a building where I won’t be the person he looks for first.

That’s the part no one tells you about.

Everyone talks about the first day of school like it’s a milestone for the kid. The pictures. The school supplies. The excitement. The first steps into a classroom.

But no one really prepares you for what it feels like as a parent.