Page 89 of Avenging Azalea

“Peanut?”

I stayed silent.

“Wake up, Peanut.”

I hated the nickname he gave me. He’d pat me on the head and call me his little peanut like that was cute, but all it did was reinforce just how small and helpless I was. The bed creaked as he sat down. My heart pounded harder, and my breath stuck in my chest.

He touched my shoulder, giving me a shake.

“I know you’re awake. It’s not nice to lie to me,” Neil said.

“I’m tired,” I mumbled and clutched the blanket tighter.

“Don’t be like that, Peanut. You know how special you are to me.”

He stood, shifting the bed once more. Even with my eyes closed, I could see him as clear as day. The sound of the small package hitting my nightstand and the zipper on his jeans let me know what was coming.

The shaking was uncontrollable, and my bottom lip quivered as I bit back tears. I wanted to believe that there was a world where things like this didn’t happen. That my heart was mine to govern, my body was mine to control, and that my soul wouldn’t be tarnished by his actions forever.

“Your mother will be home in an hour from work,” he said, grabbing the edge of the blanket and pulling it away. I tried to scramble off the bed, but Neil grabbed my bare ankle and dug his fingers into my skin. “Don’t be like that, Peanut, or else…”

The threat was open-ended but I knew what he was saying. Things would get a lot worse for me.

“Please don’t,” I begged as he dragged me toward him, but that never worked either. My body was trapped in a life where my voice was no louder than a mouse, and no matter how I screamed into the dark void, no one cared what I had to say.

“That’s good, Peanut. Now be quiet.”

Sweat dripped down my back as I woke up screaming. The dogs were alert and growling on the bed as they searched for a threat. My door burst open with a bang, and I screamed again, but it was Titus, gun in hand, with Naji right behind him.

Titus looked around, much like my furry guardians, before his eyes met mine. He gave Naji a subtle nod, signaling all clear, before the guard backed out of the room. Titus clicked the safety on his gun and set it on my nightstand before settling the dogs. They curled up into balls, and I felt terrible that I’d probably just scared the crap out of Winston.

Titus sat on the edge of my bed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping well myself. It’s been a long time since you woke up with a nightmare.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d gotten over those,” I said, only then realizing that he was shirtless.

The tattoos covering Titus’s arms, shoulders, and chest were visible even with just my nightlight to illuminate him. The corded muscles drew my attention despite attempts to look away.

“Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

My eyes finally found his, and I saw the same worry in them now as had been there the first night I’d woken up screaming in his home. Titus had come running, ready to protect me from whatever had attacked me. Then he spent the night in a chair guarding my doorway so that I could fall back to sleep.

Titus could never know the truth of my nightmares. All I wanted was to forget. The longer I stayed here, the easier it was to believe that I could put Neil, his touch, his voice, his scent, and everything that he did behind me. But the thought of Titus knowing how deep my damage went made me sick to my stomach.

He cupped my cheek and waited for my response. I’d pushed him away only a few hours ago, and now all I wanted to do was lean into him and never let go. Being here had saved me, but now it was slowly killing me.

“No, I…I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I wish you would tell me what happened. As hard as it is to talk about, it might make you feel better to get it off your chest.”

“Maybe another time,” I said.

He sighed, but didn’t push. That wasn’t Titus. His hand dropped from my cheek.

“Do you want me to sit with you until you fall asleep?”