Page 92 of Burn With Me

“Only if you fuck me in there.” She smiled.

Oh yeah, I’d definitely fallen.

Derek

Why was I doing this to myself? Was it a sick fascination to continue to pour salt into the ever-growing wound that had become my life? Searching my image in the rearview mirror, I took in the stupid Santa hat I’d picked up on a whim and then wiped away the juice from the southern fried chicken I’d picked up at a local diner.

“Merry fucking Christmas to me,” I mumbled as I polished off the last of the mashed potatoes and gravy that tasted exactly like they looked, which was like a pile of dog shit. Tossing the takeout container on the floor of the truck, I picked up the bag that held my dessert. I pulled out the lone piece of key lime pie and took out my lighter. My first birthday outside of the Asylum, and this was how I chose to spend it. Stalking my brother and eating food that I wouldn’t feed to farm animals, but it was all that was open in the area.

Turning my head, I looked at the window of the small cabin that had finally gone dark and lit my lighter. I held it up in front of the pie since I didn’t have a candle.

“Happy fucking birthday to me.”

“Happy fucking birthday to me.”

“Happy birthday, you fucking monster. Happy fucking birthday to me.”

I blew out the lighter, and the truck was plunged into darkness. “Well, brother, this is the closest I’ve been to you for my birthday in nine years. Did you even think of me today? Bet you didn’t. I bet you were too busy to be bothered to think about your brother.”

Picking up the piece of pie, I bit into it and was shocked that it tasted half decent. I glanced at the bottle of whiskey I’d picked up.

“Do you know how much trouble you caused?” I asked the bottle as I polished off the pie. “Do you know how many nights it was because of you that I ended up sitting in the emergency room on my birthday?” I shook my head. “I bet you don’t give a shit. I’m nothing but a memory you wish you never had. Probably you don’t think of me at all anymore.” I wasn’t sure if I was still talking to the bottle or my brother. Didn’t matter wasn’t like either were listening.

An ache constricted my chest, and I hated that it hurt. Nothing my brother did, or does, should hurt me anymore. He lost that right when he left me for dead at the hands of that whack-job doctor and his sidekicks.

The minutes on the dash ticked on and my fingers drummed along the top of the steering wheel as the anger sparked and began to burn brighter.

“Fuck this shit,” I growled out and flicked the hood up on my jacket before hopping out of the truck. Once outside, I pulled on the black leather gloves. The grass was dried out and crunchy, and I could picture this entire area raging with fire as it spread from one lawn to the next.

I loved spots like this.

The areas where the people didn’t like to see their neighbors any more than I did, and they had a wide girth of trees lining either side of the property. It was great cover, and I was able to slip easily from the road to the shadows of the tall trees. Then, I veered off and headed to the cabin.

There was still a light on in the main house, but I knew that Asher was in the small visitor’s cabin. I’d seen him take a suitcase in when I did my earlier drive-by. Getting low, I stepped slowly toward the window and listened for any sound coming from inside. Peering in, I realized that the spot was much smaller than it even looked from the outside, and my brother was no more than six feet away from me.

“What the fuck?” I whispered as I stared at the blonde curled up next to my brother. Like a fucking magic trick, there was Ms. Fucking High and Mighty Violet Clarke. This was the best fucking birthday gift. I could remove both problems in one go.

My gaze shifted back to Asher, and he looked the exact same as he had when we were kids. How many times had I sat up at night and watched him sleep as I listened for sounds of our father moving around. I made sure he stayed safe, I made sure he could sleep just like this.

It was strange how people could age and yet look identical to their younger self. I felt like I looked like a monster while he still looked like the perfect golden boy, still sleeping peacefully. The stupid ache was back in my chest as I stared at his relaxed face, and my hand shook around the lighter in my pocket. I’d planned on setting the place on fire, wanting to see how good of a firefighter he really was, but I couldn’t do it.

It didn’t make sense.

He’d turned on me. He’d abandoned me, and here he was with a new family, a beautiful girlfriend, and a job like a normal person while I was lurking around in the shadows, unable to be a part of anything. I had no one.

Find your brother, reach out to him, and heal the wounds that lie between you. You are each other’s only family now and all you have left. Don’t make light of that.

Dora’s dying words played on a loop in my head, and tears pricked at my eyes. Crouching down, I smacked at the side of my head and silently screamed as I tried to push the pain away. Seething, I got up and stomped back to my truck, not caring if the entire house saw me.

Slamming the door, I ripped off the balaclava mask and yelled as my fist found the dash over and over again. Starting the truck, I peeled away from the curb and raced for anywhere that was not here. A large sign came into view that announced it was a park with washrooms and a picnic area, and I drove into the lot, gravel flying. The tears were streaming down my face as I parked and grabbed the bottle I’d been traveling around with like it was my passenger. In a way, it was. It always had been just in different forms.

But tonight, it was going to be my companion.

Cracking the lid, I tossed it aside and chugged back the disgusting liquid that burned going down. I liked the burn. I like everything that burned, which made it feel like all the anger and sins were being seared away. I flopped down on one of the benches and watched the odd car pass. This was an out-of-the-way area, and if I wanted to, I could walk down to the water and let the alligators have me. That would end all of this. Maybe I’d finally find some peace in the nothingness that would follow.

Gripping my head between my hands, I put my elbows on the table and let the memories that wanted to bombard me come to the surface.

“Derek?” Asher whispered into the darkness of our room. I didn’t sleep much, and when I did, it was only when I was sure father was passed out or not home. “You still awake?”