Page 34 of Touch Me

That’s the thing about adulting. It’s like online shopping.There’s almost always a hidden cost.

I keep walking, trying to silence my thoughts, but I’m nothaving much luck. I have a very noisy brain.

And a very distractible one. At the moment, it keeps pullingmy eyes away from the stars and toward little kids and pregnant women.Apparently, they’re everywhere.

Or I’m just more prone to noticing them now.

With a sigh, I cross the street to a coffee shop, hopingthey have some sort of non-coffee drink, too. But the smell pushes me back ontothe street the moment I open the door.

I fight a gag reflex and keep on walking, feelingunreasonably weepy.

Pregnancy changes everything.

With a sigh, I walk back to the Roosevelt and cut through tothe back parking area, finally certain of where I need to go.

The valet calls me a cab, and I climb in, give him theaddress, then close my eyes, and let the last little bits of doubt fizzle away.

* * * *

I’m half-groggy in bed when I hear the key in the lock. I’mcompletely empty from crying and my head is fuzzy, but I stumble out of thebedroom to see the door open and Ryan step in.

“You tracked me? How did you track me?”

He shakes his head. “No, Kitten. I just realized that I’dknown all along where you’d go.”

He looks around my old apartment, his expression nostalgic.I bought it when the building went condo and now I use it for both office spaceand a guest house when friends come to town.

“Are you mad?”

He shakes his head, then comes to me, but he doesn’t pull meclose. “Of course not. Frustrated, maybe, that I can’t ever really know what’sgoing on in that head of yours. And maybe a little stung that you came hereinstead of coming home to me.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted—I don’t know. The memories. Me andNikki living here. Me being young and stupid and wild.”

“You can still be as wild as you want with me.” He holds outhis hand, almost tentative. I take it, then yank him toward me until I’mpressed against his chest and his arms are around me, just the way they’resupposed to be.

“You’re my safety net.” I blink back tears. “Ryan—you know—Imean, I hope you know—that I’d never intentionally hurt you.”

“Oh, baby.” His arms tighten around me and he kisses myforehead.

“I thought about it,” I say, sniffling against his shoulder.“I could go to the clinic, then call you from there. That door was wide open,you know? Beckoning. And it would make everything right again. I could get themovie back. I could be Jamie again, not mommy. It would be like resetting thescoreboard for everything. Except you.”

I lean back, meeting his eyes. “You’d agree because you loveme, but things would change.”

“Kitten, no. If it’s important to you—”

“Wait. Let me finish, okay? I already know that you’dunderstand. That you’d be okay with it because you get what being pregnantcould do to my career at this stage. How it could mess up all of my plans. Thedreams I had as a kid. The rocket ride that was just about to start.”

I stroke his cheek, smiling at the stubble. “I know youwould agree because that’s who you are. And so, yeah. I came here, and Iclimbed into my old bed, and I thought about it. But I didn’t do it.”

I see the almost imperceptible nod of his head.

“I couldn’t. I know how much family means to you. I know howmuch you want a baby.”

“I don’t want anyone more than I want you.”

I smile, my heart swelling a little. “I know that, too.”

“Jamie, if you decided not to terminate because of me—”