Page 25 of Ravaged With You

Those days are among my favorites. Study sessions with popcorn and root beer, then weekends with the real thing. We’d watch movies and hang out or just sit and talk for ages, especially me and Red. Mel used to fall asleep on the sofa, but Red and I could analyze a movie to death. For that matter, we could talk pretty much anything to death.

Back then I hadn’t an inkling that I’d end up married to Mel. I loved him, of course, but I’d loved Red, too. They’d been friends since high school in Texas, and they’d rescued me freshman year when I was trying to balance on crutches and carry my books. Even better, they hadn’t laughed when I’d explained how I’d ended up on crutches in the first place—by ignominiously tumbling off a curb when I’d seen Bruce Willis walking straight toward me in Santa Monica.

They’d been my friends—nothing more. Especially not Mel. How could I think about him romantically when I’d had a secret crush on Red?

That, of course, was never meant to be.

I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable. Trying to erase the memories and the regrets so that I can finally get some sleep. At some point, I must have dozed off, because when I float up to consciousness again, the television is off and the room is dark and silent.

I roll over and check my phone, expecting it to be almost morning. Instead, it’s barely past two. I groan, then lay back again, trying to drift off. But once more, sleep eludes me, my mind too filled with a cacophony of thoughts.

I feel lost. Alone. I’m sad for my husband, and I already miss him terribly. Not in a way that makes me regret asking for the divorce, but because he was a good man who was my friend and now someone has taken him from the world. From me. From everyone who loved him.

I sigh, realizing that in the morning I have to call his parents, and I hate that I can’t tell them the truth, because they would undoubtedly want the police involved.

The whole thing is so horrible, and I can’t stop thinking about death and darkness. I feel like I’m tumbling into a dark pit full of horrible thoughts and gnashing demons biting at my heels.

I hug myself wishing I was stronger, but I’m not. And I really don’t think I can do this alone.

With tears stinging my eyes, I sit up, then slip out of bed and walk the short distance to the guest room. I tap lightly, but when there’s no answer I enter anyway. A bit of light seeps in from the crack in the curtains, the illumination coming from the front porch light.

It’s not much, but enough that I can see that Red’s asleep. I hesitate, knowing I should probably turn around and go back to my room. But that means going back to being alone.

So instead, I move quietly to the bed and slide in beside him. Despite my stealth, I see his body tense the moment I disturb the covers. I’m not surprised. He’s always been a light sleeper. On top of that, even though we weren’t supposed to know about it, Red once told me and Mel that he’d been part of a Special Forces team. An elite, secret team. And I imagine that living with that kind of danger gives you an even sharper sense of your surroundings.

“It’s me,” I whisper. “I don’t want to be alone. I promise I won’t hog the covers.”

He rolls over, his eyes on mine, and I’m suddenly aware of how long his lashes are. Not to mention the fact that in turning, the sheet has shifted, settling down around his hips.

My mouth goes dry. I hope—do I really?—that he’s wearing boxers or something, but maybe I should have considered that before climbing into bed. As it is, his top half is entirely bare, and even in the dim light, I can see the wild and colorful tattoo that dominates his chest.

With effort, I drag my eyes up from it back to his face. “I can stay?”

“Whatever you need, Jo.” He reaches out and brushes his thumb lightly over the curve of my cheek. “Anything at all.”

I smile and whisper thanks. Then I close my eyes and sleep finally creeps up on me. I start to drift away, and as I do, my mind returns to the single kiss that we shared after he came back from that horrible mission that he refused to talk about. The last mission before he left the service. And though I don’t know for sure, I assume that’s the reason he left.

It was still months before Mel and I got romantically involved, and the three of us had been laughing and watching a stupid movie. I don’t even remember what. Mel left to go pick up more beer, and the vibe shifted to something edgier. Needier. I hadn’t expected it at all, but when it did, I knew that it was what I’d wanted. I don’t think he’d planned it either, but when I leaned toward him to reach the remote, he cupped my chin and turned my face toward him.

I’d been breathless almost to the point of begging. An eternity seemed to hang between us, our eyes locked on each other. Then he pulled me to him and kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. Or, honestly, like I’ve never been kissed since.

A long kiss, so deep and sweet and passionate that it seemed to steal my senses. I was floating in space, and I never wanted it to end.

Who am I kidding? Not end? Hell, I wanted more.

But all too soon he pushed me away, breathing hard. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That was a mistake.”

“No,” I said. “I don’t think it was. I think it was incredible.”

I smiled, but his expression didn’t change, and I felt the tension grow in my chest.

“It won’t happen again.” He stood up, then walked to the door. He paused there, and all he said was, “Jo, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you how sorry I am.”

And then he left, leaving me on the couch, my lips still tingling, and my mind spinning with confusion.

We never spoke of it again and I wasn’t sure if I was hurt or angry or just confused. I ended up deciding on the latter, because I didn’t have any other choice. He was my best friend. He’d just gotten back from an assignment that I knew nothing about other than that it had been like going through hell.

I had no idea what was going on with him emotionally. And I knew that, more than anything else, he deserved the benefit of the doubt. I could let it go, even if, in my deepest most secret places, I held it close every night for the rest of my life.