Page 69 of Healed

“I thought you brought more murder to this place, personally,” Ant said.

“Oh, here we go again, bringing up ancient history,” Rachel muttered.

“I’m not,” I said. “I’m bringing up recent history. As recent as last night. But if you were to ask my poor bollocks, they’d say it’s not history at all. They’re still tingling.”

“Go have a wank then and shut up,” Steph muttered from the table.

“Look, it got out of hand. I don’t know how it happened, honestly. I only had four beers. I didn’t know four was taser territory.”

“Rachel, darling, dearest…” Dante laughed. “I once saw you pick a fight with your own reflection after two. As far as I’m concerned, any amount of beer is taser territory.”

“Maybe Stoic deserved it,” Rachel muttered.

“Stoic? Who the fuck is Stoic?” I asked.

“Err... How to Train Your Dragon—that Stoic? Come on, Vienna, we’ve watched this with the Axe-man at least ten times.”

“Me?” I spluttered. “You’re calling me Stoic the Vast? If anyone is Stoic, it’s him,” I said, pointing at Dante. “I mean, look at the fucking size of him.”

“He is pretty big,” Rachel said, practically licking her lips as she looked him up and down.

“Fuck me, I think I’m pregnant,” Gabriella muttered, watching the way Dante glared back at her. Rachel broke the eye contact and offered Gabriella a smug smirk.

“No, no,” I warned. “No, no, no. Do not let your hormones distract from the point. Why is he not being called Stoic? This man right here,” I said, walking over to Dante and gesturing wildly at him. “The man who has to walk through doors sideways. He’s fucking Stoic.”

“I only came here for a coffee, for fuck’s sake. Why is it like this every morning?” Dante muttered.

“See! He’s even grumpy like Stoic.”

“You are pretty grumpy,” Gabriella nodded.

“Hear, hear,” Steph said. Or at least I think that’s what she said. Her face was still flat on the table.

“True,” Rachel said. “But Dante doesn’t have the shit beard to be Stoic.”

“That’s a very good point,” Gabriella nodded, catching my eye and biting her cheek to stop herself from laughing.

“Shit beard…” I squeezed the bridge of my nose and took a deep, calming breath. “Dante,” I said from behind my hand.

“Nope.”

“How attached are you to your old lady?”

“Pretty attached.”

“Ha!” Rachel said. “Unlucky Vienna.”

“I mean… I’m not ‘stand at her window and stalk her for a decade’ attached, but still… she’s nice enough.”

“Dante!” Rachel gasped.

“What?”

“You can’t say things like that!”

“Why not?”

“Because Gabriella is sat right here.”