Page 53 of Healed
“I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I sighed, taking another drink to fend off the tears that were threatening to spill.
“What makes you say that?”
“Look at me,” I half-laughed, half-scoffed. “I’m not the girl I used to be.”
“Thank God for that. I’d hate to be the same woman I was a few years back, never mind the teenager I used to be.”
“It’s not just that. I don’t want to go back to that person. I just… I don’t know who I’m supposed to be now.”
“So you’ve lost yourself,” Rachel shrugged as though it was no big deal. “Who cares? Now you get to find yourself again. The real you. The person you want to be. And it’s scary. But it’s so fucking worth it.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I scoffed. “You found yourself with the support of the president and the entire club behind you.”
Rachel narrowed her eyes to slits, her fingers drumming on the table as she weighed up her next words. Then she took the bottle from my hands, took a huge swig, and glared at me.
“Did you know I was groomed?” she asked casually.
“Excuse me?”
What the fuck was wrong with her? You don’t casually drop something that huge into the conversation without warning!
“When I met Dante, I was actually living in America, on the run from the family of the man I killed. My dad was in prison for it because he took the blame. My dad is here, actually. Divorce. You remember him from yesterday?”
The man with the coffee who had calmed my nerves. I remembered.
“Yeah. How did that happen? He wasn’t born a biker, no?”
It was almost unheard of for someone of her dad’s age to join a biker gang. You initiated when you were young. It’s just the way it was.
“It’s a long story. But my dad couldn’t see me rot in prison. He and my mum weren’t aware of a lot of things that happened to me—I did my best to hide it from them. When he went to prison, I went to America for a fresh start. I was back in England on holiday with the family I au-paired for, and that’s when Dante found me.”
And kidnapped her.
I knew that story.
“When I tried to escape Dante, he burned my mother’s house to the ground. When I tried to escape again, Vienna stabbed me in the neck with a sedative and helped steal my son. Dante once sexually abused me in front of Vienna, Shark and Hacksaw. And none of them did anything to stop it. And then, he stood me in front of his entire club and allowed them to hurl abuse at me one after the other. And then, do you know how he got me to stay?”
I shook my head in stunned silence.
“He trapped me into a contract. He had compiled enough evidence that would have seen me thrown in jail and my kids taken away from me forever. So this perception you have of me, this belief that you have that the entire club has supported me? It couldn’t be further from the truth. I have had to fight every day for my acceptance here. But they do accept me. They love me. Each and every one of them in their own way. And if they can forgive me my sins, they can forgive you yours.”
“I had no idea,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s hardly something we go around announcing. But it is our history. It’s messy, it’s complicated, and it’s one hell of a toxic ride, but it’s ours. And there are reminders of that every day. Bee even has a snake called Rachel. Dante has my bite mark tattooed on him to remind him that I’m a bitch. I haven’t always been the darling of the club, you know.”
“But you didn’t do what I did.”
“No. I didn’t. But my choices were my own. I get the feeling a lot of yours weren’t.”
“I aborted his baby, Rachel. And then allowed my dad to throw the remains at him like they were trash.”
I couldn’t escape the tears any longer. They slipped down my cheeks freely, silently.
“And that’s awful. But you were a victim, Gabby, just as much as Vienna was. And I can assure you, I’ll remind the thick cunts in this club every single day about that. It’s easy for them to forget when they see Vienna every day, when all they know is his pain. I’m on your side, too.”
“I just don’t know if I have the strength to fight them every day.”
Rachel laughed then.
