Page 147 of Healed

“So you saw everything?” I asked, feeling my stomach lurch in horror.

“Yes. I don’t want to lie to you, Gabriella. So even though I know you don’t want to hear it, I have to be honest.”

I didn’t like where this was going.

“I heard it as well,” he said, looking heartbroken.

“You heard…” I whispered, feeling the shame wash over me.

He had heard Nico tell me to betray Vienna. He had heard what he did to my mother.

I wanted to be sick.

“I know you’re not ready to talk about it, but you need to know, you’re not to blame for what he did. You—”

“Get out,” I said, my voice the strongest it had been since returning here.

“Gabby—”

“Get out!” I nearly screamed.

I was so overcome with shame. I was utterly fucking mortified. It was bad enough that Vienna knew but having him see, having him hear… I was fucking horrified.

My heart began to race, my skin prickling and sweating. I couldn’t have him near me. I couldn’t sit and talk about this with him.

“I need you to leave, Vienna. I need you to get the fuck out!”

“I’m leaving,” he said, standing up slowly. “But I’m only right next door. And whilst I’m there, I want you to think about what’s just happened in here. I want you to think of how you told me to fuck off, and I left straight away. Think about what that really means, Gabriella.”

I glared at him as he walked to the door. He opened it and looked back at me. “It means you’re free, princess. It means your voice matters. It means you are important and your thoughts, feelings and wants are all valid and listened to. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you today, but you are safe. You’re not back there.”

He closed the door softly, leaving me to think about what he had said.

Chapter 45

Gabriella

I stayed in bed for the next couple of days. Not because I particularly wanted to, but the thought of leaving this space, the area I’d come to see as safety, filled me with such anxiety and panic that I felt I was on the verge of a heart attack.

I made this bed my nest, and so long as I was in the middle of it, safe behind the four concrete walls of the bedroom, nothing could reach me. Nothing could harm me.

I was rarely alone, though.

The old ladies stopped by constantly. They brushed my hair and helped me into the shower, making sure I brushed my teeth. They brought me food and drinks, and just sat with me. Sometimes quiet, sometimes telling me funny little stories.

They kept me grounded when I felt like spiralling. They made sure I slept, and always kept at least one of them in the room with me. I’d woken up one morning to find Steph, Jade, Gemma, Beth and Imogen all curled up on my bed with me.

Rachel was more abrupt. She forced tablets down my throat—whether they were sleeping tablets or antidepressants, she made sure I took them.

I tried to fight her to start with, but she told me that sleep was the best healer. And she also said if I had a broken leg, I would seek treatment and take medication, so why wouldn’t I treat my mind the same? Why wouldn’t I take a pill if my mind was hurting?

I was too tired to argue with her.

But when she wasn’t bulldozing over me, she was kind. She sat with me and talked. She gave me the freedom to tell her everything Nico had done. She swore she would get the men to look for my mother’s body so it could be cremated and brought back to me.

She cried with me, laughed with me, shared her own history, and helped dust off a bit of the humiliation and shame that clouded me.

Vienna was always nearby. He set up station outside my room. I know he slept there every night. I’d heard him fall off the chair once and then proceed to kick it for the next five minutes in frustration. I had opened the door and offered him the chair from my room, which he had accepted silently.