Page 11 of Wayward

“People who hurt animals deserve what they get.”

“Isn’t a man’s life worth more than a horse’s?”

“I think it depends on the man, and why are we talking about—”

“It’s what you do, Maks! You move in the shadows, with your father and all the rest of those fucks thinking you’re the devil incarnate, but you’ve really just invented this darkness because you’re a good man where it counts,” he murmured, smiling at me. “You protect horses and your junkie whore cousin.”

“Knock it off.”

“Why?”

“I’ve got too much blood on my hands to ever be called a good man.”

“I would argue that to keep the many safe, you have killed very few.”

I didn’t want to argue with him; it was far too late. “Don’t go spreading it around that I’m soft, right? That will not be good for business.”

“Neither would your father or anyone else knowing you’re gay.”

I stood, walked around the coffee table, and took a seat next to my cousin, holding his gaze.

“I know you told me in confidence,” Vanya said softly, “and I would never remind you about it, except that it’s gotta be eating you up inside, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I want you to know I’m here.”

“Van—”

“You can’t keep hiding that you’re doing good things in a bad business, and you can’t continue living in the closet.”

“If I come clean, I’ll lose everything,” I said gruffly, the words grinding out of me, scraping my throat. “I’d lose my family, my home, my place in the world if anyone ever found out beyond those people I trust with my life.”

“But shouldn’t your family be the people you—”

“You know better than that,” I said dejectedly, and I was sure that Vanya heard at once the deep well of sadness in my voice and saw the resignation on my face. “It’s not an option.”

Getting up, I walked to the window, looking out at the city lights and the darkness that was Lake Michigan beyond them.

“Hey.”

I turned to look at him.

“You know it’s crazy that in our whole family, you’re the only one with the dark hair and eyes like dedushka’s. The rest of us are all shades of blond, except you.”

I shrugged, thinking of the grandfather I’d only ever seen pictures of. He’d been gone for years before I was born. “Just lucky.”

“Tell me why you told me. How come I’m one of the guys you trust with your life?”

“Because like tonight when you got confused, I wanted to make it clear that you being gay doesn’t mean anything to me,” I rasped, needing Vanya to hear me. “It’s the poison you put in your system that makes you do stupid, careless things that makes me sick. I don’t want you to think I care about who you sleep with.”

“Well, thank you for confiding in me, and just so you know, I would never tell.”

“Even when you’re high?” I asked because I was in a foul mood.

“Maks,” he said, sounding crestfallen.

“Yeah, fine. I know that,” I said, rubbing my eyes and the bridge of my nose.

It was enough sharing for one evening, no more soulful revelations were necessary for bonding, and so Vanya took the opportunity to blessedly return us to innocuous pleasantries. “What time did you get up this morning?”

“Right around five,” I answered, letting my head fall back gently and bump the wall behind me. “Or maybe just a bit earlier.”