Page 69 of Fearlessly Us

Lazy piece of shit, can’t even hold onto the ball.

You think I’m paying for that expensive school so you can embarrass me like that?

It’s time we toughen you up, son.

I flinch as I hear the crash of his fist hitting the drywall next to my head like it’s happening now and not almost two decades ago, a flash of a memory stored somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain, and I’m not thirty-five years old anymore sitting in a bowling alley with my friends, but sixteen, standing in my childhood home, fingers curling into fists and my entire body on alert while I wait for him to land his next blow.

“Hey, Drew.” Cam’s voice cuts through the memory and my head jerks up, my inhale sharp as a cold sweat drips down my spine. “Where did you go?” His voice is soft, eyes filled with worry. I glance around the table and see his expression mirrored on the faces of my other friends, and the weight of their worry is too much to bear.

“Sorry,” I mutter. “I have to…I mean I need to…” I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “You guys stay and play. As many games as you want and order more food. It’s all on me, but I gotta go. Sorry,” I say again, jumping up from the booth and making a beeline for the door without looking back.

As soon as I’m outside, I lean over with my hands on my knees and drop my head, taking deep gulps of the cool, late-September air. I immediately regret running out on Cam, Jack, Tyler, and Oliver the way I did, but the idea of going back in there and explaining to them what just happened feels worse, considering I have a hard time even explaining it to myself. Why I still let my dad get to me. Why I don’t block his number so he can’t contact me anymore. Whether, despite everything, there’s still a part of me that wants to hear what he has to say.

That, I think, is the worst part of all.

When my phone vibrates again, my heart shoots into my throat and I have the violent urge to hurl it against the brick wall behind me just to see it shatter. If it’s broken, he can’t contact me. But the vibration doesn’t stop which means it’s a call, not a text, and my dad never calls. Typed words are his preferred method of attack.

It’s better than his fists. I’ve got some experience with that.

I tug out my phone again, but this time when I look at the screen, all my anxiety melts away, my breath gusting out in part anticipation and part relief as I swipe to answer the call, bringing the phone to my ear. “Hey, Princess, miss me?” I hear Caitlin blow out a shaky breath and I’m immediately on alert again, my spine snapping straight and my fingers tightening on the phone. “What’s going on, Catie?”

“Hey,” she says slowly, her voice uncharacteristically flat. Uncertain almost. “I’m sorry to interrupt whatever you’re doing on your off day, but do you think you can maybe come and get me?”

Caitlin is asking for help.

Me.

She’s asking me for help.

I’m in motion before she’s even finished speaking the words.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CAITLIN

Smart Bitches

Me

Taco and margarita night next week. Friday. I happen to know the guys are all going to Oliver’s game, and Cam is taking Ethan with him.

I don’t know what Riley’s plans are, but she’s fourteen and it’s Friday night, so I assume she has something.

Maya

Do my eyes deceive me? Is Caitlin Parker initiating a gossip sesh?

Me

Don’t make it a whole thing.

Emmy

Oh you better believe we will, my beautiful bestie.

Maddy

We absolutely will. Riley has a school dance next Friday night. She’s having an after-party sleepover at a friend’s, so my house will be kid and man free.