Page 90 of For I Have Sinned

“This Celine, do you want to be with her?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Because of the situation, but if you weren’t a priest and you met her in a completely different place, would you want to be with her?”

I think about it for a minute. The time Celine and I have spent together has been brief, and we may only be hooking up, but the connection is strong. It’s unlike anything I’ve felt before, except it makes me wonder if the things I’m feeling towards her are because she is a temptation and off-limits.

Would I feel the same way if there wasn’t anything preventing us from being together? No obstacles making it tricky. If I could have her whenever I wanted, wherever I wanted, would it make me feel the same, or would it not be as thrilling as it is when we have to keep it a secret?

Is it an adrenaline rush that causes me to feel something towards Celine that I haven’t ever felt with anyone else before?

I push my doubts aside because I genuinely believe that it was fate that sent her to the convent. I also think that if she were sent to me on purpose, it would have also happened outside of the convent.

“I would,” I finally respond. “But I’m not sure she feels the same.”

She hums. “What sort of relationship do you have with her now?”

I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “I broke my vow for her.”

“Oh.” My mother’s eyes grow wide now, knowing exactly what that means. “Okay. That type of relationship.”

“It’s wrong, I know,” I say. “But being with her feels right.”

“Then you need to talk with her.”

My face scrunches. “She’s only been there for a little over three weeks, and given the circumstances, is that even enough time to talk about a relationship?”

She chuckles. “I knew I wanted to marry your father after our first date. When you know, you know.”

That makes me feel a bit better. She is right, as she always is. I need to talk to Celine about how I’m feeling, and hope she feels the same way.

Chapter 29

Celine

It has been so boring without Alex here.

I need him to come back and save me from this misery. I mean, this place was dull before he left, but at least I had him to occupy me when I had nothing else to do. I’ve been filling my time for the past two days with reorganizing the library, hiding out with Esther, and sneaking phone calls to my friends.

I also had to sit through meals listening to Joanna drone on and on about pointless shit, while all I can picture while she talks is that she is screwing Father Keaton.

While we sit here at breakfast, she talks about the movie night. It’s a shame that Alex is missing out on this spectacular event. If he were here, I would have asked him to sneak away with me since I’m not going.

Now I have to find something to keep me busy. I could go to the library while everyone is in the chapel watching it. Or I could hang out in my room. Maybe Esther will want to sneak away with me.

“Celine?” Joanna’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I hum, stabbing a piece of scrambled egg on my plate.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come watch the movie with us?” she asks again. “Not only are they giving out snacks, but they are also providing blankets!”

“Tempting, but like I said the other day, I have to help Sister Greta tonight.”

Joanna huffs in disappointment. “Fine, but promise you’ll come to the next movie night?”

Not a chance. “Sure.”

That makes her happy enough to drop the subject and continue talking to Bekah. I meet Esther’s eyes, which are shining with humor. I twist my lips to hold back a smile and start eating my food again.