Page 49 of For I Have Sinned

I grit my teeth, trying not to make a noise as the pleasure takes over. Heat builds at the base of my spine as I imagine I’m in there with her.

Just the thought of suffocating myself between her thighs is enough to send me over the edge, and I come embarrassingly fast in my briefs. I can tell the moment Celine orgasms because her voice gets muffled by her hand pressing against her mouth.

After removing my hand from my slacks, I stand there for a few more seconds to control my labored breathing.

The reality of what I just did hasn’t sunk in yet, and I’m not sure when it will, but I need to prepare myself for when it does because I’m going to freak out.

For now, I savor the moment that we sort of had together and then turn to head back to my room.

It’s silent in the halls as I walk. No one is wandering around, and the only lights on are the wall sconces. The bulb inside resembles a flame, making this church feel more medieval than it truly is.

The building itself is beautiful. Its architecture is one of the main reasons I agreed to serve here. Besides learning from Father Keaton, of course. He is well-known in the priestly world. He is one of the best, and it is an honor to work with him.

Father Hobbs, at the church where I was working in New York, looked up to Father Keaton, and when he found out that I was transferring to Grace Community, he was ecstatic. I’m surprised he didn’t ask me to get Father Keaton’s autograph and mail it to him. I haven’t spoken much to Father Hobbs since being here in California, and I make a mental note to call him soon.

As I approach the hall that leads to our offices, the thoughts of Father Hobbs leave my mind when I remember that there was something I had planned on grabbing from my office after I met with Celine. I forgot because of what transpired between us. But since I am here, I might as well grab it now.

Making my way down the hall, my eyes narrow when I see light shining from under Father Keaton’s door. I check my watch to see that it is almost midnight. He is never up this late.

Taking a quiet step towards his door, I lift my hand to knock to make sure he is alright, but stop when I hear a noise. It isn’t something I’d have thought I’d ever hear from his office, and if the sound hadn’t happened again, I would have believed I was hearing things.

A moan.

Not a deep one that would come from him, but a feminine one. I freeze in place, my knuckle an inch away from meeting the wood of his door. At first, I think that maybe he is watching porn, but then a woman says something. I’m not sure what words leave her mouth because she is speaking lowly, but I recognize the tone of her voice.

Joanna.

I’m not stupid. I know what is going on, but my brain doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that it is actually happening.

Pulling my hand away from the door since I don’t want to accidentally hit it, I quietly take a step back. My mind is running at a mile a minute, trying to make sense of it all.

Then it hits me.

The other day, when I was supposed to meet Father Keaton to review my notes for Prayer, the door opened, and Joanna was the first one I saw. Her cheeks had been rosy, but there was no sign that anything had happened between them. I figured they had a meeting set up because Father Keaton tends to help the women with whatever troubles they are having.

Although that is why I am here, the women who have been here longer than I trust him more. Which is understandable.

But now my mind whirls like a storm. Had he been fucking her then? Is she the only one, or is he involved with other women? The thought makes me sick to my stomach, and then the anger builds.

Jesus Christ.

All this time, I had been struggling with dirty thoughts about Celine, and I found myself thinking about all the things I wanted to do to her. With her. I felt bad because I knew it was a sin. Knowing that if Father Keaton found out, he would think of me differently, and that thought alone had me feeling even worse.

And here, Father Keaton was sinning even worse than me?

Having sex with one of the women here?

Backing away from the door, I make my way quietly down the hall to go back to my room. As I walk the silent corridors, I keep trying to convince myself that I was only hearing things. That the noises coming from behind his door weren’t from Joanna, but from him watching porn. Which is still a sin, but it wouldn’t have been that terrible of one.

When I get back into my room, I rest against the door, and my head falls back. My eyes shut tight, and I try to breathe evenly through my nose. Father Keaton, the priest that everyone admires, is having sex with a woman in the convent.

The news sits heavy in my chest, and I feel like I need to scream it out, but I can’t. There is no way that I can tell anyone about this. I won’t even attempt to talk to Father Keaton about what I heard because I know he will tell me a lie.

What I do know is that after learning this information, I don’t feel so guilty about wanting Celine.

If Father Keaton is committing the sin, then what is stopping me from doing the same?

Chapter 18