Page 44 of For I Have Sinned

Voices filter from the hall, and when I look past Esther, I see that other women are joining us.

“Well, I’m going so I don’t get roped into speaking with any of them.” I stand from the bench.

“Don’t get kicked out!” Esther calls after me as I head towards the exit of the courtyard.

“I’ll try my best,” I answer over my shoulder and start my walk towards the library.

It’s quiet when I walk in. No rustling of papers. No sounds of a pencil gliding across a notepad. It makes me wonder if Sister Greta is even here.

There is a part of me that would be okay if she weren’t. I could easily leave the library if she isn’t here and not clean, but then what would I do with the rest of my day? Sit in my room? Alone?

No way.

I need to keep myself distracted while I’m here, especially if I am supposed to keep my promise to Father Alexander and not touch myself.

But really, how would he know if I went against my word? It’s not like I’m worried about the invisible man upstairs judging me for it.

I step further into the room, my eyes wandering over the shelves and seeing all the dust they are collecting. I haven’t even finished her office. It is so filthy in there that it will take me a few days to get it done. It probably would have been done already if I hadn’t skipped some days.

Huffing out an annoyed breath, I head to the small hallway that leads to Sister Greta’s area. As I round the corner to the dim hall, I let out a shriek and slap my hand against my chest.

“Oh my god, you scared me!” I say breathlessly.

“Look who decided to show up.” Sister Greta looks me over with a disappointed grunt.

“I’m sorry,” I comb my fingers through my hair, my breathing finally calming down. “I got busy with lessons and⁠—”

She lifts a hand to silence me. “I don’t want to hear any excuses. If you aren’t going to take your job here in the library seriously, you might as well turn around and leave.”

My brows crease. “I am taking this seriously.”

“Could have fooled me.” Her hand motions for me to step aside. She hobbles down the narrow hall, and I follow after her.

“I’m not leaving. I enjoy being in here.” More than she knows.

Being surrounded by books, even if they aren’t what I am used to, this library gives me the smallest taste of my life outside of these stone walls.

“Then prove it,” she snaps.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” There is a hint of aggravation in my tone. “On a Sunday, when I am not required to be.”

Sister Greta stops, turning to face me. Her eyes narrow and her lips purse. To my surprise, she doesn’t say anything snarky. “I’m leaving for the rest of the day. I have obligations to attend to.”

“I’ll have your office spotless by tomorrow.”

She chuckles in disbelief and walks out of the library. As soon as she is gone, I roll my neck and head to the cleaning closet to get the supplies.

Luckily, the shelves look about the same as they did when I left them a few days ago. No new dust has been collected, which makes me feel like I can actually get her office cleaned by the end of the night. Grabbing the supplies from the closet, I get to work.

I lost track of time again. I was so focused on the task at hand that I hadn’t realized how long I’d been in here until I looked out the window, and the sun had already set.

I quickly finish up, feeling accomplished and tired. After putting the supplies away, I glance at the clock on Sister Greta’s desk to find that it is seven at night. I stand there, trying to figure out how long I’ve been cleaning because I don’t remember what time I arrived at the library.

Prayer started after noon and ended at one. We then ate lunch, which always lasts about an hour. After that, we went to the courtyard for a few minutes. Have I really been cleaning for almost five hours?

Looking around the spotless room, pride flows through my chest. But then I glance at the clock again and curse to myself because I missed dinner. Maybe there is still food out, and I can take my dinner up to my room.

From where I am standing, I hear footsteps enter the library. Since it has been a while since Sister Greta left, maybe she is returning from whatever she was doing.