Page 33 of For I Have Sinned

“Alex,” I utter his name desperately.

In my head, he kneels on the bed and grabs my wrist with his hand. He guides my fingers in and out while keeping eye contact. I’m a panting mess and about to plummet over the edge when I hear a knock at my door.

The sinful fantasy blows away like smoke, and my eyes fly open. I jump out of bed, chest heaving, and I take a moment to inhale a few deep breaths to compose myself.

When I finally open the door, my heart stops as I stare into the eyes that were just looking into mine in my daydream.

I bit the inside of my cheek, diverting my eyes from his stare and to his hands, which are holding a plate of food.

“What are you doing here?”

“I noticed you weren’t at dinner.” He holds the plate out for me. “I wanted to bring you food, so you weren’t going to bed hungry.”

“ I—uh—” my hand scratches at the back of my neck as I try to form words, “I lost track of time cleaning in the library and wasn’t hungry anyway.”

“Are you okay?” he asks with genuine concern. “You looked flushed. Are you not feeling well?”

My heart starts racing again. What if he heard me call out his name? No, there is no way. It slipped out quietly and happened way before he knocked on my door.

“I’m fine. I was just… exercising.”

“In your nightgown?” He asks slowly.

“Well, they didn’t give me gym attire. I’m working with what I have.”

“You were working out?” I nod with a hum. “Then that means you need food to fuel your body.”

I take the plate out of his hand and turn to set it on my dresser. When I face the door again, Father Alexander is looking towards my bed. His brows furrow, and I glance over to see what he sees. There is a faded spot on the wall where the frame used to be. How long had it been there for us to see the discoloration on the wall?

Looking back at Father Alexander, he lifts an eyebrow in question. “It felt like he was watching me sleep.”

The lie comes out quick but smooth, and he nods as if he believes me.

“Eat your food and get some rest, Celine.”

He steps back, turning on his heels, and walks away from my room. It takes me a second to shut the door, but when I do, I turn off the light and bypass the food sitting on the dresser.

If I had any ounce of an appetite before, I sure as hell don’t have one now.

Climbing under the covers, I lie on my side and stare at the wall and wait for sleep to drag me into the darkness.

Chapter 13

Father Alexander

“If you keep this up, Father Alexander, we will have to send you to the hospital to get these properly looked at.”

“I know.” My head hangs low in shame as Sister Agnus cleans up the reopened wounds on my back.

I was able to stop myself from racing back to my room after leaving Celine with Sister Greta. Something about hearing her say my actual name in the library sent a heat rolling through me. No one has called me Alexander or Alex since I left New York. When I call my mother, she always calls me Alex. If I ever talk to my friends on the phone, they call me Father Alexander as a joke, but when they call me by my name, it doesn’t affect me.

Not in the way it did when it came from Celine’s mouth.

She wasn’t trying to be sexual or flirty when she said my name. It came out naturally, but someone needs to tell that to my dick because he heard it as a calling. He had mistaken her voice for a siren in the sea, and it woke him up. After years of not being touched, it was content until she spoke my name.

How pathetic.

I pushed the need to discipline myself from my mind because the marks were too fresh, and I knew if I took the rope to my skin, I would do more damage. So, I went about my day, attending my meetings and preparing for Sunday.