Page 21 of For I Have Sinned

“And is it living up to your expectations?” she asks, allowing her arms to drop to her side.

I slowly nod. “It is.”

She hums again, casting her eyes down to the flowers. “At least you’re enjoying it here.”

“You will enjoy it, too,” I attempt to reassure her. “Once you get comfortable here, I promise.”

Celine’s laugh is a soft sound that warms my body. A warmth that I haven’t felt in a while, which scares me. Lifting her gaze from the flowers to where I stand, she moves closer, stopping when she is beside me, facing the exit. Her head turns in my direction, and she looks up at me through her thick lashes.

“There you go, being dishonest again, Father Alexander.” She tsks. “You should never make promises you can’t keep.”

My jaw clenches, teeth pressing together to the point that it brings me pain. Before I can respond, she looks forward and leaves me in the courtyard. Where she is going, I don’t know, but I’m not going to follow her like a shadow.

I said that trouble was going to find me here. It will pierce me through the heart like a sharp sword, and I believe Celine will be the one to wield that weapon.

Chapter 9

Celine

Sister Alice had written a list of all the lessons I am to attend, dropped it off last night before lights out, and said she would be here in the morning to show me to my class. I thanked her, shut the door, and let out a long sigh as I laid down for the night.

I didn’t sleep well. I never do when I’m not at home. Staying with Vince or Amelia is a different story. Being with them, I always felt safe, so whenever I stayed the night at their places, I slept fine. Thinking about them makes my heart hurt because I miss them so much.

When we met in college, we became close so quickly that you’d think we had known each other our whole lives. We are inseparable, and the fact that I’m trapped in this place for who knows how long without contact with them makes me want to cry again.

I was told my parents would be allowed to visit once a week. Does this mean that my friends are allowed to visit me as well? It wouldn’t hurt to ask. Plus, I’d like to know when these visits with my parents will take place. That way, I can prepare myself.

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I realized that not all the dresses provided to women are the same. Yes, they are all white and long, but the details sewn onto each dress are either an abstract pattern or a different arrangement of flowers. All the white fabric blends together that I didn’t even notice the designs.

The bras and underwear are all the same, however. The cotton underwear is comfortable, but I will never get used to these bras. The wire has been digging into my skin ever since Sister Alice arrived to walk me to my lesson this morning. I’m doing my best not to tug at the material, but I really want to tear it off my body and burn it.

“You don’t need to escort me around everywhere,” I tell her while we descend the stairs from the bedrooms.

“Once you know where your lessons are, I won’t be such a bother.” She doesn’t sound hurt by my words, even though I had a bite to my tone.

I do need to dial down my attitude, though. It’s not her fault I’m here.

It’s my parents.

“What days will my parents visit?”

“We’ve arranged for them to come on Wednesdays. The morning is the best time for them to visit to ensure that you do not miss your World Religion lesson later in the day. They will be here at eight o’clock in the morning, and that should allow you to have plenty of time to speak with them about your experiences here.”

That’s good news because then I don’t have to sit through a whole class, dreading seeing them.

“What about my friends?” I ask as we walk down the hall.

“I’m afraid only your parents are allowed to visit while you are here.” Sister Alice stops in front of a door, one that I’m not even sure how we made it to because I wasn’t paying attention. When she faces me, there is an apologetic smile on her lips. “Friends aren’t allowed because it would be a distraction to your purpose of being here.”

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I agree that seeing my friends would be a distraction, but it would be a nice distraction. It would help take my mind off all of this bullshit for a little while.

Seeing my parents won’t be a distraction, since they are involved in this situation. Seeing them will only add fuel to the fire burning within me.

“How long are these visits?”

“It just depends. Some family members stay for an hour, while others stay for only a few minutes to check in on their loved one. It’s however long you want to visit with them.” At least I can decide one thing for myself. Even if I don’t get to choose to not see them at all. “Now, I don’t want you to be late. The women I introduced you to yesterday will be in this class.”

My eyes move away from Sister Alice’s face to the people standing behind. I find Father Alexander speaking with another nun and from here, it seems like they are in deep conversation, concern lining his face.