Page 17 of Last Man Standing

“Lincoln snitched on me?” I twist in my seat and shoot a playful glance toward the empty hall. “Geez. Wait.” I swing my focus back to Princess Sex-On-Legs. “You asked about me? You think I’m sexy, don’t you?”

She stares down at me like I’m nothing more than dog shit smeared on the floor. “I’m living through a personal crisis right now, and I’m forced to sleep across the hall from a random dude whose mere presence makes my spine tingle.” She tilts her head to the side. “Not a good tingle.”

“That’s what they all say… till they know better.”

“I asked about you, I read the dossier, and now we both know where the other stands.”

I drop my gaze to her sinful legs and the strong thighs that fill out her jeans, then I study her core for a long, torturous beat. Finally, I continue up her torso and meet her furious eyes. “Your logic is faulty. Only one of us is standing.”

“Mmhm. And now I’m walking.” She spins on her heels, her long hair swishing with her bad mood, then she stalks out of the living room and leaves behind the scent of whatever face cream she slathers on before bed and… well… not much else. Just the ghost of who she was before I came along and ruined her day.

7

SCARLETT

PRINCESS SCARLETT, INDEED

Mills:

Hey, sweetheart. Just checking in. You still enjoying your visit to the backwards of nowhere?

I have no clue why you’d trade the hustle and bustle of here for the humdrum of a town smaller than my armpit. Bet they don’t even have pizza delivery out there.

Also, Dani’s thirty-three weeks pregnant today. I’m gonna be a grandpa in a month or two!

Iopen the picture he sent and find a sonogram of a sweet little… butterball, with twisted limbs, a foot near its mouth, an arm somehow coming out of its butt, and a big fat belly.

Grinning, I set my pen aside and pick up my phone with both hands, tap the box at the bottom of my screen, then type up a fast response.

Me:

I think something went awry during the manufacturing phase. Tell Dani to keep the receipt and ask them about the leg relocation plan. Might even get a 2-for-1 deal if she can hold out till the end of the month.

Mills:

Har-har. You’re not funny. My baby is perfect. My baby’s baby is perfect. And this is the thanks I get, even when I’m over here suggesting they use Scarlett for the baby’s middle name?

Disrespectful!

I figured once you settle down and start a family of your own someday, you could reciprocate. It’s a good plan.

Me:

Bold of you to assume I’ll ever settle down. Even bolder that you think I’d do it with a human who possesses the baby-making anatomy.

I’ve decided I might try liking women for a while. They’re less drama, smell nicer, and someone is usually baking cupcakes.

My brother’s girlfriend is amazing… I might see where she stands on the matter.

Mills:

I repeat… HAR-HAR. And for added emphasis, I’ll give you a third. HAR!

You tried out the crappy guys. They sucked.

When the time is right, you’ll meet one of the good ones.

In the interim, I caution you against breaking up a happy home. Your brother had first dibs on Ms. Nichols, and I’d say he’s pretty fond of her.