Page 56 of Burning Obsession

If only I had been honest with him from the beginning or at least when he mentioned not liking when people sent him gifts, especially those he saved. Like the one who’s been sending him gifts for months. It was my opportunity to come clean, but I didn’t. Pretended like it was horrible and I couldn’t believe someone would do it. I felt safe lying because he didn’t remember me.

I knew one day it might come out, but I thought it would be way in the future, when he loved me. When his feelings for me outweighed my poor judgment. We would laugh about it and keep moving on.

But that’s not what happened.

Jake doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say. He doesn’t even want to see me again.

He thinks our meeting that day in the café was planned. It wasn’t. Me going in there was a fluke, and when I saw him sitting at the table I nearly passed out. I hadn’t planned for him to be there, nor did I stalk him and form an elaborate plan to meet him. Our meeting was purely organic.

In fact, I'd been thinking about stopping the gifts altogether.

Nellie told me it was getting kind of creepy. That I needed to think about how it looked from his side. That he was probably wondering who the hell kept sending him things and maybe even thinking the same thing she did. He probably thought I was some kind of psycho killer, and my plan was to fatten him up and then lock him up in my basement.

Truth was Nellie’s words had finally hit home. Then when I heard how Jake felt about it, not knowing who I was, I knew I had to stop. And I didn’t purchase another gift. Once the last one I had prepaid for had been delivered, that was it.

My intention wasn’t to scare him or to piss him off. Yes, I was attracted to him, but the larger picture was I wanted to thank him for saving my life. Because of him, I’m alive today to be able to see my sweet niece being born.

There’s not a gift big enough to thank someone for that. No words could explain what he did for me. The gifts, small as they were, were the only way I knew how to say it.

Along the way I fell more in love with him as I learned pieces of his life by eavesdropping and watching from the shadows. I started to wonder what it would actually be like to have a conversation with him. To date him. To wake up next to him.

I started obsessing over him. Not healthy, but I did. And then when I sat across from him at the café and he didn’t recognize me, I started to get small pieces of what I wanted. I was scared shitless at first, but he didn’t recognize me. I should’ve known he wouldn’t. He saves so many people.

I felt lucky. Fate was handing me the opportunity I wanted. A chance to be with Jake, and I wasn’t going to let it slip through my fingers.

Over and over, I told myself I would tell him the truth. I just needed the right moment. I’d explain everything. Why I did it and why I chose to keep it from him. The preferred time would be when we were so in love that he would forgive me for my mistake.

But every time I looked at him, every time he smiled at me, every time he touched me, I lost my nerve. Because I was terrified that if he knew the truth, I'd lose him.

I know I’m about to break down, and I don’t need to be crying like a baby on the side of the street. I pull my phone out of my pocket and order a ride then call the one person who will listen to me.

Nellie.

I stare at our message thread for a second before typing.

Me: I fucked up.

Her call comes immediately. I knew she wouldn’t text because she'd want to hear my voice. To make sure I was okay. It wouldn’t matter that I screwed shit up.

I don’t even get to say hello; as soon as I answer the call, I hear her panicked voice.

"What happened?"

"He broke up with me." My breath hitches and I barely get out the words.

I can hear her breathing but she doesn’t say anything right away. Then she comes in full sister mode.

"Why? Do I need to kill him? I told you if he upset you, I’d castrate him.”

"He found out I was lying to him."

"What were you lying about? That’s not like you.”

I close my eyes.

"Lying, keeping a secret that would hurt him, it’s the same thing. He’s the guy, Nellie.”

Silence.