Page 98 of Last Rites

Merrick thrashed beneath his captors as he recovered from the shock of hitting the floor.

“How?” I asked. “I failed at everything I tried. I don’t know what to do.”

Paneus closed his fingers around my hand holding the knife and lifted it between us. “You must be a willing sacrifice.”

I jerked and tried to pull away, but Paneus’s grip tightened.

I’d sworn to myself that I would do whatever it took to bring down the Bone Men, but faced with the prospect of giving up everything, I realized I’d been lying to myself. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t relent to the god who had caused so much suffering. Maybe bearing the pain of every unwilling soul inside that monstrosity was the penance he deserved.

“You want me to—” The words stuck in my throat, and I shook my head. “I can’t.”

The glow faded from Paneus’s eyes, and while he continued to push the knife toward me, his free hand came up to cup my cheek. It was a shock of ice against my skin, and I wanted to pull away. But the touch was so familiar, and I ached for it, and I found myself leaning into it instead.

When he spoke again, there was no echo in his voice. It was just Penny’s.

“Don’t be scared, darling. Trust me.”

Tears poured down my cheeks as I struggled against his hold, but I hurt too much to be angry.

“Don’t use him like that,” I sobbed.

The green glow flared back to life in his eyes, and Paneus shook his head. “This one’s words are his own.”

My breath caught in my chest, and all the fight left me. I searched his face for a trace of the man I loved, for a single bit of familiarity.

“Pen?” I croaked

Merrick’s shout broke the tense hush.

“I ordered you to smite them both!”

The Vessel creaked and groaned and resumed its reach toward me as Isla clamped her hand over Merrick’s mouth.

“There’s no time,” Paneus insisted. “Are you willing?”

Was I?

And even if I wasn’t, was there another option?

“I’m not prepared. I didn’t do the right rituals.” I swallowed against the dryness in my throat, then concluded, “I’m not worthy.”

Paneus dipped his head to meet my eyes. “You have been seen and found worthy, long before now. All that remains is for you to accept it.”

He released my hand, and I stepped back. The Vessel loomed too close for comfort, still offering a hand to me as if asking for help. There wasn’t anything else to do, but I couldn’t raise the knife.

My mind shot back eight months, to the day Penny showed up on my doorstep, to that night, staring at the ladder up to my attic back in Forstford, fearing the memories I’d find at the top of it. I knew then that there would be no going back if I opened this door again. I didn’t intend to sell my soul to Eeus, but I realized even then that, if saving the world required it, I had no right to get in the way of that. If that was the last chance I had to atone for every awful thing I’d done, there was no sacrifice more meaningful.

My hands steadied as I turned the blade toward my chest. My heart’s thunder dulled to a rumble, and I drew several sure, easy breaths before aligning the knife.

I hoped it would be quick, but this was my penance. I deserved for it to hurt.

With one last look at Paneus, I rammed the blade home. Pain splintered across my skin and ignited my veins with fire, and the sound of screams resounded through the cavern in an endless echo. I wasn’t sure if it was my own cry or that of the resistance members watching in horror as my knees gave out.

Time slowed as I fell.

Cold hands caught my arms, and Paneus guided me to the floor. He settled us both on our knees as blood oozed out around the knife’s hilt and seeped into my shirt.

As my body went limp, I felt myself being gathered up. It was a tender embrace, and a familiar one. Paneus, or maybe Penny, dragged me to his chest and held me there. It was all I could have asked for. A final moment of peace as darkness clouded the edges of my vision.