Page 7 of Last Rites

Penny.

Penny, my intended. My sweetheart.

Penny, who I’d spent four days missing to the point of physical pain.

Penny, whose expression shifted rapidly from relief to red-faced anger that I knew I deserved.

“Thank gods,” he said, though his tone was more accusatory than grateful. “Kit, where have you been?”

My bag slid off my shoulder and hit the floor with a thud that startled Ember, who leaped down and dashed out of sight. The tears I’d spent the entire trip fighting blurred my vision.

“I took the horse,” he continued when I didn’t answer. His fury and volume rose with every word. “I thought I’d catch up to you on the road, but I never saw you. I was afraid you were hurt somewhere, or something had happened to you, or you’d been eaten by wolves.” His breath started to rasp, and his freckled cheeks flushed as he carried on. “I don’t even know if there are wolves here, but I worried about them, damn it. I worried about everything. I didn’t know where else you’d be, and I’ve been waiting all day!”

A cough interrupted his tirade, and he stifled it in the crook of his elbow. His anger seemed to fade as the air wheezed in and out of his lungs until he caught his breath enough to conclude, “The waiting was the worst part.”

It took every bit of my self control not to reach for him because I knew he got lightheaded when he panted like that, but I wasn’t sure I could handle the brush-off he seemed primed to give me.

“I took a detour,” I croaked. “I know I told you to stay home, but I’m so glad you’re here.”

Penny’s green eyes flashed as his anger reignited.

“That’s another thing!” He stabbed a finger at me. “You lied to me, Kit. You asked me to stay in Eastcliff, and I told you I wouldn’t. You promised not to leave me, but then I woke up and you were gone.” He coughed again, then cleared his throat. When he recovered, the harsh edges of his expression went slack, allowing a glimpse of the wound beneath he tried to hide. “You belong with me, Kit, and I belong with you. Remember?”

No amount of logic could stop me when the urge to reach for him came again. It stung when he stepped back to stay out of range, but I wasn’t foolish enough to think it wasn’t warranted. My arms felt like iron when they dropped back to my sides.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured. “I regretted it the moment I left.”

Guilt ate at my insides when Penny wound his arms around himself and his shoulders curled inward. He cut his gaze sharply aside, listening but not wanting to look as I tried to explain.

“I just want you to be safe,” I pressed on. “I love you so much, and I couldn’t bear the thought of putting you in danger again. I can’t be without you, Pen. Losing you would kill me.”

When his eyes met mine again, they looked tired; glassy, like he was fighting the same tears I’d given into the moment he’d walked into the room.

“What would you have done?” he asked, voice quiet. “If you woke up in the morning and I’d gone? What did you expect me to do?”

He scoffed and turned away, clearly not expecting an answer, but I knew the one I would give: I would have done the same thing and chased him down. I would follow him anywhere.

He paced to the fireplace where the flames were slowly dying. His hand rested on the handle of the poker in the rack beside the hearth, and he hesitated. From where I stood, I could see the fire reflecting in his wide, scared eyes as his chest fluttered with quickening breaths.

I was the one who tended the fire. This was one thing I could keep him safe from, even if I couldn’t protect him from Ashpoint.

I stepped toward him. “Pen, let me…”

Penny’s free hand rose, palm out. As effective a command to stay where I was as if he’d spoken it aloud. He was trembling, and every part of me screamed to put myself between him and anything he perceived as danger, but that was what got me into this mess in the first place.

He was perfectly capable of protecting himself. I didn’t give him enough credit for that.

His movements were slow and deliberate as he used the poker to adjust the logs, then added a fresh one on top. As soon as the wood settled into the pile, he stepped back as rapidly as he could while the flames caught. The poker clattered back into the rack, and Penny hunched, leaning his arm on the mantel and forcing deep breaths into his lungs.

When he spoke again, his voice was so quiet it was almost lost to the crackling of the fire.

“What would you think or do if I treated you the way you’ve treated me?” He glanced over his shoulder, his watery eyes meeting mine. “Like a burden. Like an inconvenience when things get hard. You did the same thing Merrick and Father did for years, but at least they had the decency to be honest about it. They sent me back to the house because I was no good in the fields. You left me there because you think I can’t do this.”

“That’s not what it was, Pen.” I stepped forward, shrinking the distance between us. “All I want is for you to be safe, and it’s not safe for you here.”

He squared his shoulders as he turned to face me, then bit out, “It’s not safe for you here, either!” He gestured around us. “Damn it, Kit, I’m the one who put our resistance together. You were content to struggle alone because of some sense of misplaced responsibility, and I made sure we had help. I know you were on your own for a long time, but you’re not alone anymore. You don’t get to make these kinds of decisions by yourself when they also affect me.”

Anger swelled in my chest. I wasn’t the only one who made decisions that affected someone else. Penny had done the same on several occasions, often without any forethought. I’d agonized over my choice.