Page 49 of Secret Sins

"No wonder she follows commands so readily," Jay commented.

"My sister, Beth, kept up with her training until she could become certified. It's not really necessary anymore, but it does help to know she has my back. It's a comfort."

Likely the only comfort he'd had for a long time. Blinking against the threatening tears, I sipped my coffee and wondered how open about his past Van would be with my parents.

"What does your sister do?" Riley asked, adjusting her reading glasses since she was no longer focused on her crossword.

"She's an attorney on the East Coast."

Nodding, Riley said, "Impressive. Has she missed you since you moved?"

And that was all it took for a panic-stricken expression to fall across his face and his hands to tighten into fists. Quickly stepping in, I said, "I'm sure she does. Do we need to get going, Van? I know you have to fit in some grocery shopping today."

Jay frowned but kept his mouth shut. Van looked at me gratefully. "Yeah, I think we should do that."

"Thanks so much for the coffee, Mama. It was nice of you to keep Charlie and Heidi for us."

"Come by anytime, you two." Always deeply understanding, Mama didn't make the slightest fuss at us dipping out after I'd said we would stay.

"Thanks, Ms. Mathis—uh, Riley." Patting his leg, Van waited for Heidi to heel and headed to the front door where the bag of pet things was located.

Trailing along behind him, I scooped Charlie into my arms and tucked him into his carrier. He wasn't a huge fan of it, but he was rarely an asshole about getting in. Knowing we were heading out, Heidi obediently followed us without Van even having to leash her. Loading them into my car was less of a hassle than I expected, and then I turned to hug my parents goodbye.

"Thank you for everything, Mama," I mumbled in her ear. "We needed the time alone."

"Someday soon, I hope, it's the grandkids I'll watch for you." Squeezing me as I groaned, Riley kissed my cheek and patted my shoulder. "I love you so much, pea."

"You too, pod. Bye, Jay." I hugged him and climbed behind the wheel, watching Van struggle to keep his face turned away from me and also them.

I waited until I'd pulled out of the driveway before speaking. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

Well, we all knew that was a lie. "Van, you can talk to me, you know. Or just hold my hand if you need to."

With that, he gripped my hand tightly with his and said nothing. The drive back wasn't long since our town was so small, but I wondered if he would stay or want to go to his place.

Pulling into the lot at home and putting the car in park, I faced him and studied his profile. His jaw was locked tight, his eyes wet, and his nose red. "Do you want me to run Charlie upstairs and take you home?"

Finally facing me, Van met my gaze. When he blinked, a few tears dripped slowly down his cheeks. "No, but I need a second."

"Come up when you're ready."

My heart nearly seized in my chest at the way he nodded, wiping his cheeks. Heartbroken was the way I would describe him, and I hated it. He'd been so carefree and content last night and this morning, and all it took was a reminder of his sister to break him again.

Heidi watched me take Charlie's carrier from the car, and I shouldered the bag too since it was there. Opening the back door of the bakery, I caught Alex's eye on my way past the kitchen.

"Do me a favor and ignore Van when he comes in, okay?"

Though he frowned, Alex nodded and headed to the other end of the kitchen, singing along to the Alabama song coming through his speaker.

Once in my apartment, I set everything down and let Charlie out. Instead of bolting the way I expected, he sniffed cautiously at every surface. Maybe my place smelled of Van now, which was more than fine by me. I wanted him to permeate my entire life, from my home to my bookstore to my heart. If his ocean scent covered my sheets, I'd only be happy about it.

Hearing the door, I spun in place and watched Van and Heidi come inside. She went for the rug by the couch and plopped down with a sigh. Feeling in sync with a dog for the first time ever, I tried not to sigh with her. That was the last thing Van needed from me.

Wringing my hands together, I asked, "How are you?"

"It's just one of those things. Like grief, I can put aside my feelings of guilt and shame for a period of time, and then it all comes screaming back."