Page 82 of Cheap Shot

He chewed slowly and swallowed before speaking. “I’m sorry. This is one of the times I wish I wasn’t right, but I’m glad you both were able to see things clearly and be responsible rather than giving in to your feelings.”

“It hurts now. I was falling for him.” I cleared my throat with a small cough. “But it would have hurt even more if he told me he needed space in a few months from now.”

He nodded. “He’s right too. Once the season is over, you guys can try again if you want to wait for him, but you don’t have to. You’re free to date or do whatever you want.” He paused. “I can talk to the football team and anyone else I warned off if I need to.”

The thought of dating anyone else made me queasy, especially with my past luck with men. I couldn’t trust myself. Reid was the only good man I’d been attracted to.

“It’s only going to be more complicated though. He’ll likely end up drafted and move before the summer is over.”

Ethan grinned. “Things always have a way of working out. If you are meant to be together, then I have no doubt you will figure out a way. It’s not like West Penn is the only college in the country, plus by then, you might have different plans of your own.”

He was right. I could always transfer if I needed to, or find a trade school close to wherever he was living. It wasn’t like I had any attachments to this place. I only ended up here as a last resort. I might miss the girls, but we could stay in touch. Ethan would be gone too, and even though that had been an appealing thought just a few days ago, I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay here without him.

There had never been a time in my life when I felt so off-kilter. So unsettled and unsure of what was coming. On one hand, there were endless possibilities. I simply had to pick one and hope it made me happy. But on the other, there were so many more chances to end up regretting my choices. Ending up hurt or alone. Again.

“Growing up is hard,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, it really is,” he said to his plate.

After we finished eating and put the leftovers away in the room’s small fridge, I settled in to work on copying notes when Ethan’s phone vibrated. He checked the screen and groaned. “I forgot about a study group. I’ve got to get going.”

He jumped off the bed and grabbed his backpack. “Will you be okay here alone?”

I wasn’t sure how much longer Reid was going to avoid coming home, and I didn’t really want to be here when he did, at least not without Ethan as a buffer, so I gathered my stuff.

“I should go back to my room and check in with the girls.”

He nodded, and we went to the door. He took the time to walk me to my dorm before jogging away.

I went upstairs and knocked on their doors but none of them answered, so I went to my room. Once I settled onto my bed, surrounded by my notes and laptop, I sent a text to the girls’ group message letting them know I was back in my room and hoped to see them soon.

Sadie and Krystal replied immediately that they were in class and would come by once they were done. Cassie said she was busy until later tonight, and Ella didn’t reply. She was probably in class or lab and couldn’t get to her phone.

I sent another text to Ethan assuring him I was fine and the girls were coming over later and he replied with a thumbs up.

My phone stared back at me. Taunting me. Daring me to reach out to Reid, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

I hadn’t decided whether or not being friends was something I could handle. Could I suppress my feelings for him enough to be platonic? Could I forget how it felt to kiss him? To be held by him?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but if things could work between us, I would have to try.

Could I wait until April to be with him? That seemed like a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things, but what if he changed his mind in that time? What if space allowed him to see things clearly? What if he realized he was better off without someone with so much baggage?

That rejection would cut through me.

It already felt like an anvil was hanging over my head while I tried to sort out my emotions. Would that feeling only get worse in the months of waiting to see how things would work out? I couldn’t live like that. The unknowing would kill me.

The easiest answer was to cut things off now and go our separate ways. Completely forget how we felt about each other and move on. No strings attached.

But even the thought of that made my chest tighten.

I didn’t want to date anyone else. I didn’t want to give up on him. On us.

If only I could fast forward through the next several months, then I would know how things worked out. We could get to the good part and start the next chapter of our lives.

I had so much faith in the two of us. We’d only known each other for a month or so, but it felt like so much longer. He knew me in ways no one else ever had. He allowed me to be whoever I needed to be, weak or strong. He challenged me without making me feel controlled or like I wasn’t enough. He wanted me to reach my potential.

He was what I wanted.