Page 90 of Two Hit Wonder

Life was risk. Opening yourself up to be hurt. Letting people in even though they might leave, even though they might lie, even though you might destroy everything with your own stupid hands.

She just didn't know which risks to take.

Charity gurgled and grabbed for Maeve's nose. Outside, she could hear Glinna laughing at something, and the twins' voices, high and bright in the afternoon air.

Chapter Thirty-One

The cafe was by the embankment and served coffee in bowls rather than actual cups. Iona had never understood the appeal of drinking from crockery designed for soup, but then Ellie had always had better taste than her, she’d always been that little bit more refined. More refined than all of them, really, which made it a bit weird to be sitting opposite her now wondering just what to say about the worst thing she’d heard.

"You look terrible," Ellie said.

"Thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear." At least it broke the ice. Iona hadn’t been at all sure how to start this conversation.

"I meant it with love." Ellie set down her spoon. "When did you last sleep properly?"

"Define properly."

"More than four hours. Without waking up to check your phone."

Iona considered this. "Sometime in the nineties, possibly."

Ellie almost smiled. Almost. It was more than Iona had expected, given everything.

"I'm sorry," Iona said. The words came out in a rush, like she'd been holding her breath. "I should have noticed something was wrong. All those moments, the fumbling, the tiredness, and I just thought you were stressed or tired or having a bad day. I should have paid attention. I should have asked."

"No." Ellie's voice was firm. "I'm glad you didn't."

Iona blinked. "What?"

"I'm glad you didn't notice. It meant I still looked normal. It meant I could still be just Ellie, not Ellie-with-the-condition." She wrapped both hands around her bowl. "Do you know how exhausting it is when everyone treats you like you're made of glass? When your husband starts looking at you with that careful expression, like he's waiting for you to break? Being around you lot was the only time I felt like myself."

Iona didn't know what to say to that. She'd been prepared for Ellie to be angry, to need convincing. Not this.

"I've got a treatment regimen now," Ellie continued. "Injections, mostly. Some pills. It's all very glamorous, needles in my thigh every week like I'm training for the Olympics." She smiled, dry and self-deprecating. "So far, I'm fine. The doctors are cautiously optimistic, which apparently means they're not actively preparing my coffin."

"That's good. The optimism part, not the coffin part."

"I know what you meant."

They sat in silence for a moment. The cafe's speakers were playing something acoustic and earnest, the kind of music that made Iona want to set things on fire.

"Don't blame Cam," Ellie said quietly.

Iona's eyebrows shot up. "Sorry, have you met Cam? She brought a journalist into our circle. A music journalist who was literally paid to write about bands."

"She didn't know he would do that."

"She also didn't know he wouldn't. Which is rather the point."

Ellie sighed. "She's lonely, Iona. Under all that chaos, she's just someone looking to be loved. And she really thought she'd found it. She was completely taken in." Her fingers tightened around her bowl. "I watched her face when it all came out. She was devastated. Still is."

Iona thought about Cam, who filled every room she entered, who knew someone everywhere and seemed to collect people like other people collected stamps. Lonely wasn't a word she would have used. But then, Cam was good at misdirection. Always had been. She could make you think a party was happening even when it was just her in a corner with a questionable cocktail and a strong opinion about bass lines.

"I'll think about it," Iona said finally. "That's the best I can do right now."

Ellie nodded. "Fair enough." Then, with the air of someone ripping off a plaster: "So. Maeve."

Iona's heart flipped over in her chest. She set down her own bowl so she wouldn't drop it. "What about her?"