Page 43 of Pain

He reached out and wrapped his hand around my wrist. “Sure is. I’m sorry for getting upset about Saraya. I shouldn’t have stepped out of line. I know the war is inevitable. Saraya’s just one of the reasons. I know what’s going to happen. And I’m sorry for looking like I was standing in the way.”

I’d come here hoping to make sure he was feeling okay. But this was starting to feel like a much more serious conversation.

“I didn’t think you were stepping out of line,” I told him slowly. “I thought you were doing your job. Questioning me—making sure I’m sure about my decisions—is a big part of your responsibility. It’s what I expect from you.”

“But I shouldn’t have done it that way,” he replied. He sat back, his face growing shadowed at whatever he was thinking. “Out there in that meeting, I knew they were going to shoot me. A split second before it happened, I knew. I looked up and saw that asshole smirking. And you know what I thought right then?”

“I have no idea.”

“I thought I was glad it was me and not you, because there’s a war coming—guaranteed now that they shot me—and you’re the only man who can lead us through it.”

I tipped my head at this. Gem had always been loyal, when it came down to it, but he was also mercurial and had never made any secret of his intention to lead the club himself one day. I’d never heard him get so worked up about needing me to lead the men.

Hell, I’d never even heard him tell me I was doing a good job.

“What are you saying?” I asked quietly. “Did Mandy put you on some really good pain medication or something?”

He chuckled. “She didn’t give me a damned thing. And I’m saying you’re the right man for the job. You saw this war coming miles away, and you managed to make it happen more quickly. On your own terms. I should have trusted you.”

“You’re giving me too much credit. I didn’t plan to find Saraya.”

“But you knew what to do the moment you saw her,” he interrupted. “And that’s what I mean. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone can look at a situation and see the right path, see how to use it to their advantage. You can do that. And I...”

I waited for him to finish the thought, but he’d just stopped talking, like he didn’t know what he wanted to say. “You what?” I finally asked.

He grabbed my wrist again, squeezing so hard that I thought it’d probably leave a bruise. “I know how ruthless Devil is. They went for my life, and if their sniper had been better, I’d be dead right now. He’s out for blood, Knight, and I don’t want any of it to be ours. I don’t want it to be yours. The club can’t afford that.”

And there it was. He thought I was going to get hurt, and despite all my doubts when it came to his true feelings about my leadership, it sounded like he didn’t want to sit in the president’s chair any time soon.

He wanted me to live. He was just taking a really long road to telling me so.

I turned my arm over so I could grasp his wrist as well, my own fingers firm. “I’m not going anywhere, Gem. I’m going to end this, and I’m going to make sure we’re all safe. But I need you to stay here. I can’t say what’s going to happen out there on the road. I have no control over it. But I’ll feel a whole hell of a lot better if I know that there’s someone here to take over if something happens to me. Stay. Protect the clubhouse. Until I tell you otherwise, I don’t want you out on any rides, got it?”

Gem shook his head, but he was laughing. “Well, when you put it that way. I’ve got your back, man. You don’t even have to ask. But you do me a favor, huh?”

“Anything,” I said without hesitation.

“You be careful out there. Watch your back. Because if I’m not there, it means they’ll be aiming at you when they’re shooting. And we can’t afford to lose you.”

CHAPTER 20

SARAYA

I got as far as the north wall of the clubhouse, knocked on it twice with my knuckles, and then turned and headed back toward the bar that doubled as a café and traditional bar, depending on who was behind it and who was asking for a drink.

Right now, I really wanted a shot of whiskey. Strike that. I wanted several shots of whiskey and an entire bottle of tequila on the side to top it off. Coffee... sounded great too, honestly, but it would also make me even twitchier than I already was, and I was not down with that.

You might be asking yourself why the hell I was so twitchy, and I wouldn’t blame you for that. After all, I’d spent the night in the arms of a man I was starting to think might be a whole lot more than just the head of the rival MC in this area of the state, and our... activities... had left me not only sated but somehow squishy and warm on the inside, like some sort of extra-toasty chocolate croissant.

I had every reason to be feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, rather than itchy as a dog with fleas.

But while I was with Mandy this morning, Knight had told some of the guys that he was on his way out to get supplies for the clubhouse, packed himself into the club’s one and only pickup truck, and left.

Without saying goodbye. Without telling me where I was supposed to be today or what I was supposed to do. And without giving any of us any idea of when he might be back.

He’d left hours ago, and none of us had heard a damn thing from him since then. Not that we would have expected him to keep in touch. I mean, it wasn’t like the Banshees were in the middle of starting a war with the Devil’s Steed or anything. Definitely wasn’t like there was a hit out on Knight, courtesy of my murderous, psychopathic ex-boyfriend.

I couldn’t decide whether I was furious or worried, or a dash of both, and I definitely couldn’t decide whether I had any right to be either of those things. Sure, I’d spent the night in his arms, and we’d both seemed to enjoy it. Sure, we had this crazy connection that had started on day one while I had my ass planted on the sidewalk.