Page 24 of Indecently Daring

“And what if you’re right?” Alana asked, keeping her tone gentle when she wanted to shake some sense into her reckless friend. “How will you prove it without getting yourself into a situation that will ruin you? And what if you’re wrong, Cat? What then?”

Cat sat back with a huff, her silver eyes glinting in a fashion that made the hair on the back of Alana’s neck stand on end.

“I don’t know,” she muttered crossly. “But I shall think of something.”

20th January 1845, The Vicarage, Sussex.

“What excellent work,” Harry said with approval, picking up his newly shined boots. Jeb shifted from foot to foot, trying to hide his smile of satisfaction, but growing pink about his ears with pleasure at the praise. “I can see my face in them. You’d make a fine valet, Jeb.”

“What’s a valet?”

“A wealthy man, like Lord St Clair, would have a valet to see to his shoes and boots, and clothes. He keeps everything neat and clean and makes sure his master is beautifully turned out every day. Though there are lots of other things you could do, you know. You’ve a fine brain in that head of yours. If you applied yourself, you could be a teacher one day. Is there anything you’d like to do? What would be your dream?”

Jeb frowned, considering this. “Dunno. I ain’t never thought about it.”

“I don’t know, I have never thought about it,” Harry corrected.

“I have never thought about it,” Jeb said with a scowl, but he was always careful to repeat everything as well as he could.

Harry suspected he did not mind the idea of improving himself.

“Here you are then.” Harry slid a plate of bacon, eggs, and fried bread in front of the boy and sat down himself, slinging the tea towel over his shoulder. “You earned it.”

“Cor,” Jeb said, his stomach giving an audible growl.

Harry laughed and poured them both some tea, adding sugar and milk. He did not know where the skinny little fellow put it all, but he ate like a horse. Harry was glad to see him tucking into a good meal and getting a proper night’s rest in a cosy bed. The hollow look had gone from the lad’s face over the past days at the vicarage, and his cheeks were pink in the kitchen's warmth. He was dressed for the weather, too, as Harry had bought him new clothes and boots. It had embarrassed Jeb when Harry had noticed he’d gone back to wearing the ill-fitting clogs he’d had before Lady St Clair had gifted each of the boys a sturdy pair of leather boots. Harry hadn’t asked where the boots had gone; he could guess. No doubt his mother had sold them.

Harry was trying his hardest not to judge her for that. There were certainly plenty of others in the village ready to do it for him. If she’d been a man, he knew the judgement would have been far less harsh, and that was wrong, if inevitable. Mrs Maby was no better than she ought to be, according to most people. But their obvious disgust only made her increasingly wild, and that he could certainly understand, but he’d not had a child relying on him, at least.

He reminded himself it was not his place to judge others, for he was hardly in a position to throw stones. Perhaps he might have done something so awful if he had been in her position. Poverty and desperation wore at a person’s soul, and not everyone was strong enough to withstand the challenges life heaped upon them. He’d been blessed to never experience that first hand, but he’d still enough sins to atone for. He’d not kept to the path even when he’d had all the wealth and security a person could need. Everyone was fallible, everyone could fall from grace, given the wrong set of circumstances. He was doing his best to be a good man, to set an example, to show kindness and understanding, and to be someone his parishioners could rely on and turn to. It wasn’t always easy and, more often than not, he was beset by feelings of frustration and anger that he could not do more. It made him wild with an impotent fury that he couldn’t change things, that he wasn’t better, was not enough.

He was never quite good enough. Harry forced the unsettling sensation of unworthiness away. He was doing his best, and he would do better. This time, temptation would not lead him astray. This time, he would prevail and show his parishioners what kind of man he was, and that they could rely on him.

Once Jeb had cleaned his plate by swiping a thick slice of bread and butter over every inch of it, Harry washed the dishes as Jeb dried them.

“Right. Ready for school, then?” Harry asked, already hearing the sounds of laughter out in the garden as the rest of his boys assembled for the morning’s lessons.

“Yep,” Jeb said, carefully hanging the tea towel up to dry in front of the fire.

Harry felt a swell of affection and fellow feeling for the lad, who was trying so hard to be as good as he could be. He ruffled Jeb’s hair. “You’re a good boy, Jeb. Your ma should be very proud of you.”

Jeb glanced up at Harry and away again, his narrow shoulders lifting awkwardly. “Don’t know about that.”

“Why do you say so?” Harry asked, though he knew the answer.

“She’s always cross with me. I spoil things for her, make life harder when she has to worry about me and pay for me, and she don’t like it. Then she goes away.”

Harry nodded and laid a hand on Jeb’s shoulder. “I know, lad. Your ma’s not a very happy lady, that’s the problem, and so she’s always looking for happiness, trying her hardest to find it. She’s looking so hard for it she can’t see it anymore. Can’t see that it’s right here, in front of her. You must forgive her for not seeing you, Jeb. She’s trying her best, but she’s lost. We all get a bit lost sometimes.”

“Even you?” Jeb asked sceptically.

Harry gave a short laugh and crouched down, re-buttoning the buttons on Jeb’s thick wool waistcoat as they were done up wrong. “Especially me, Jeb. I got lost too, but I found my way back, and now I’ve found you, too. So, we’ll look after each other, won’t we?”

Jeb swallowed hard and swiped a hand over his eyes, but gave a sharp little nod. “Reckon.”

“That’s a good fellow. Now come along, the other boys are waiting, and all those Latin verbs won’t conjugate themselves.”

Jeb gave a heartfelt groan. Harry laughed and ushered him out the door.