Page 86 of Falling for Keeps

“Thought so,” he murmurs, his hand coming up to rest on the top of my driver’s door, right beside my shoulder. “What are we going to do about it?”

“Some deep introspection?” I ask airily.

“Try again.” He steps closer, putting his other hand on the car and completely boxing me in. His green eyes are dark from the evening and the lack of good lighting, deep and serious. He licks his lips and I follow the movement, forgetting everything else.

“The last time I wanted something for myself and psyched myself up enough to make a move,” I tell him, “I asked a guy out and he literally laughed in my face. It’s not like I’m passively waiting for life to happen to me, but I don’t think I can face that kind of humiliation again.”

Carson leans so close I can feel his body nearly pressing against mine. His eyebrows draw together. “What an idiot.”

“He had a girlfriend.”

“No, don’t try to defend him. There’s no excuse to laugh in a girl’s face. What a tool.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“That makes it even worse. I don’t know how anyone who knows you can resist wanting to be near you all the time.” He slides his arms around me, pulling me close, his face pressing into the soft skin where my neck meets my shoulder. My scarf is loose enough that he’s somehow managed to press his lips to my neck, breathing.

I am allowed to want more.

My arms circle his waist, running up the strong muscle of his back while my brain flashes to that shirtless moment in his mom’s kitchen when I saw up close how strong he is. My nose presses into his chest, smelling his cologne mixed with the clean dental office.

“I guess I have a thing for unavailable men.”

“Seth is dating someone else?” he quips.

Guilt streams through me at the thought of Seth. Yes, our next date is the football game, where I specifically said we’d go as friends. But I know where his head is at. He’s been really upfront about the whole thing.

“If I just made you think about Seth, I heartily regret what I said.” His lips graze my skin, driving chills over my flesh. He presses a soft kiss under my ear, pulling me closer and holding me tighter. His longing is obvious, but the warning bell in the back of my head keeps reminding me that he’s been really clear about how he feels, too.

Oh. My. Gosh. The thought strikes me like lightning.

I am the Seth to his Emma.

Carson has been insanely clear about being friends. All the while, I keep letting myself fall harder and harder for him, pretending I don’t care that the relationship will never progress. He’s not leading me on. I’m fooling myself into thinking things could work out somehow.

This is stupid. I’m being stupid.

Carson cups the back of my head and looks into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“All of this. It’s not smart…I need to go.”

“Do you have to?” he asks, his fingers sliding into my hair. Last time they did that, we made out against the brick wall of the bar. My heart is racing. I’m Pavlov’s dog and he’s ringing that bell. “I’ve been dying to kiss you for years.”

“You mean weeks?” I ask, correcting him.

“Feels like years.”

My lips curve into a smile. “But it’s not smart. I’m not into the non-committal stuff, Carson.”

“I’m terrified to commit to anything.”

His vulnerability slashes the last dregs of self-control I possess. He’s coming off an almost ten-year marriage that dissolved, and I want him to jump into commitment right away? That’s not fair to anyone.

“It’s been over a year,” he says. “And way longer since the marriage was over. I’m ready to move on, but I don’t know if I can trust another person not to break my heart.”

“Do we have to decide forever right now?”

Carson blinks. “No, but I have to think of Penny. I can’t introduce another woman to her, only for us to lose her as well. It’s not fair to my child, and I can’t handle adding more abandonment to her life.”