Page 48 of Falling for Keeps

Immediately I regret my reaction. She’s completely taken it the wrong way. “Of course I’m going to help you.”

“Well, I didn’t say you wouldn’t.” Her smile peeks through her embarrassment, and it’s a warm ray of sunshine. “Only that you don’t have to work hour for hour.”

My gaze is caught on those lips, and not because I can recall what it felt like to kiss them or how soft and pliable they are. A zing went through my chest when she touched me, proving our chemistry is a real, intangible thing that can’t be wholly ignored.

“Anyway, they should probably dry overnight. Can you get Bennett’s truck again in the morning, and I can help you load them up? One might fit in my car⁠—”

“Yeah, I’m sure I can.”

“They’re pretty much dry, but another night will help.”

“It’s no problem.”

“Great.” Emma gives a cute little nod and gets back to work, turning a frame over to access the underside so she can screw the cushion in place.

Logically, I recognize I was dismissed and it’s time to leave. Illogically, my feet won’t move. “How’s my money jar doing at the library?”

She drills a screw into place, then positions one on the other side. “Honestly, it’s hard to tell. I think it’s going to be close this year.”

“Perfect.”

Emma laughs, and the sound of the drill doesn’t even drown it out. “You know, I still have those books set aside for Penny.”

“She’s been reminding me daily.” I rub a hand over my face. “I came back to Vermont because I thought it would make things easier. When will my life slow down?”

She puts the drill down and looks up at me, straightening. Apparently, I didn’t sound as nonchalant as I meant to. When her brown eyes rake over my face like she’s trying to read me, I almost can’t take it anymore. I want to collapse, let my arms rest from trying to hold up so many things all the dang time.

Emma must have a sense for what I’m feeling, because she wipes her hands down her leggings, a soft furrow between her eyebrows I want to smooth out. “You okay?”

“No.” The word is out before I even consider the implications of being so honest. I let out a dry, humorless laugh. “Sorry. I don’t know what it is about you, but you make me comfortable, and I always say more than I should.”

“You haven’t said anything yet.”

“I’ve told you more than anyone else.”

Her eyes turn sad. “Carson.”

I have to swallow against a weird surge of emotion. I’m a strong, intelligent, capable man. I don’t break down in the driveway of my mom’s neighbor. I don’t lose my mind over the fact that my ex-wife bought my daughter a phone. I’m not supposed to be questioning the very choices that drove me to this place today, watching a woman I made out with reupholster chairs for my office because I can’t afford to replace them.

“I should be holding it together better than this,” I say.

“You seem to be doing a great job from here.” She shrugs. “Penny is happy, your mom is thrilled, and once that office opens, half the town is going to love you for saving them a trip to Burlington every six months.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m drowning?”

Her deep brown eyes bore into me, and they’re so full and trusting. It’s like every time I get to a place where I feel like I’m moving on and beginning to heal, something rips open my heart and forces me to start over. I look back at every decision I’ve made over the last few years and question each one. Yeah, moving here put my mom and Penny together more often, but what if forcing my daughter into a new place is really the worst thing for her in the long run? What if it’s not a big deal if she has a phone? What if I bankrupted us with a failing business and she’ll never go to college? What if I’m putting all this pressure on myself to be the best parent and really I’m just screwing up my kid’s life?

She shakes her head slowly, as though she heard every one of my thoughts. “You have a lot going on at the moment.”

An ugly laugh barks out of me. “Yeah. It’s never ending. I’m avoiding going inside.”

“Why?”

“Because then I have to handle a situation I don’t know how to react to.” I look at her. “My ex sent Penny a phone. I’ve vocalized my opinions about them, how I don’t want her to have one yet. It’s true that it’s not ideal for me to be the go-between when Penny wants to speak to Jen, and she went behind my back to give it to her despite knowing how I feel. But taking it away feels petty.”

Emma is quiet, her auburn brows raised. “While Penny lives with you, she knows she needs to follow your rules.”

“Taking away the phone feels like I’m taking away a line of communication with her mom. It’s a pointed move, because Jen’s backed me into a corner. If I give into this now, what will Jen do next that I feel trapped into accepting? She doesn’t have rights. She signed them over to me, which was as good as permanent. I have zero worries about her trying to get back any rights. If she wanted to be more involved in Penny’s life, I wouldn’t hesitate to let her, and she knows that. Legally? Her hands are tied. But she’s smart and manipulative, and I can’t help feeling like this is all a way to control me and get back at me, and Penny’s the tool she’s using.”