Page 112 of Sour Notes

If me and Swayze fuck this up, it won’t just hurt me. We’re talking total soul crushing annihilation.

I can’t do this. I don’t trust us not to mess it up. Especially when he could have anyone. He’d get bored of dealing with my prickly ass before long.

Why can’t we just rewind to the time before. When our biggest argument was who’s turn it was to put the trash cans out or what movie we should watch.

I miss his friendship. The easy, relaxed one we used to have.

He’s one of the most important men in my life and I’ve messed that up once already.

I don’t want to hurt him.

I don’t want to break us.

Every move we make leaves our friendship hanging in the balance. Trapped in this endless riptide of fucking or fighting since that first time we rolled the dice.

This isn’t what I want. It can’t be. I can’t give something I don’t have.

So why can’t I let go?

26

SWAYZE

“Uncle ZeZe! I miss youuuuuu. Where’s Mia? I wanna say hi. I miss her too.”

I chuckle down at my cell screen, my niece’s smiling little face filling the entire view.

“Hi, Nugget. I’m sorry, she’s still sleeping in our room. I’m by the pool, wanna see?” I scan my surroundings, showing her the view.

“No fair, I wanna be there too. I hate school.” She pouts, her little lower lip wobbling.

“I’m sorry honey, but we both know you don’t hate school. I’ll make sure I take lots of photos and we can have a sleepover when I’m back and show you.”

“Yeah! With Mia?” Her hopeful, excited gaze sucker punches me in the gut. Fuck knows what state our friendship will be in by the time we get back.

Swallowing my apprehension, I force a grin on my face. “Of course, Nugget. She misses you too.”

Izzy squeals before pulling something out of a bag beside her.

“I’m so happy you love each other now. I’m so excited for your wedding. Look, Mommy got me a ‘Punzel dress. Maybe I can wear that?” Her hopeful gaze connects with mine, but thankfully I’m saved from responding when my sister grabs the phone.

“Izzy, what did I tell you about FaceTiming people on my phone?” I hear a muffled apology as my sister moves away.

“Hey, Ze, how you doing? Having fun?” Her eyes finally drop to the screen when she sits in her kitchen and her brows fall. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Concern etches across her face and I’m starting to wish I’d avoided the call.

“Nothing’s wrong, Ellie. I’m just chilling by the ocean with a coffee.”

“Tell that to your face, bro. What’s going on?” Her voice drops to practically a whisper.

“Is it Mia? Are you guys okay?”

“Totally fine. She’s got a headache, so I’m letting her sleep it off alone. We’ve partied a bit too hard these last few days.”

She bites her lip, eyeing me warily. God, I hate having to lie.

Just as she goes to say something, we hear a bang and Izzy crying from the other room. She mutters a curse and tells me to make sure I call her if I need to talk before hanging up in a rush.