Page 82 of Rookie Attraction

I worry my lower lip. “You sure you have time?”

“Sel,” he warns.

I give him the details about Chicago, the move to New York, and the surprise of meeting Finn again. I also talk about my new teammates, including the tension with Brady and St. Clare. Finally, even though I know Hugo will kill me, I confide in Karson about the PR dates with Taylor, and unload about the stress of the last two months and how it’s affected my confidence.

“Jesus Christ, Sel, why didn’t you talk to me about this sooner?” Karson looks at me with worry. “I knew coming out was rough, but what happened in Chicago should never have happened. Those fucking assholes!”

I shake my head.

“We need more queer rep, but given the current hockey culture,” I sigh. “I’m sure there are more guys like me, but they don’t want to risk their careers, especially if they’re just starting out.”

“True. But all that hiding wears on a person after a while.”

I assume he’s referring to my situation, but it’s not the first I’ve heard him say something similar, and I wonder if there’s something he’s not telling me. Karson’s always made it clear that he’s into casual relationships, but he never talks about anyone. That’s his business, and I respect the fact that he wants to keep that part of his private life private. But his comment makes me pause. It’s run through my mind a time or two that he might be queer, but I’ve never asked. It’s his choice if he wants to tell me. If there’s anything to tell. Like me, there’s a lot at stake for him.

“Do you feel safe in New York?” he asks.

“I do. I’m sure in time, it’ll work out,” I reassure him. “But I doubt the speculation that follows me will change. Like today, I was informed by my captain that someone on the team, my guess is Brady, thinks my relationship with Finn is more than friendly.”

“Really?”

I nod.

“Just because Finn and I spent an afternoon touring Pike Place in Seattle. We had lunch and walked around, big deal. Finn and I click, so what? We met before, so it’s not surprising we’ve become close,” I explain and run a hand through my hair. “It’s one of the few positives I’ve experienced given everything that’s happened. Kar, I can’t tell you what it meant to see Finn on my first day with the Rush. Damien told me how protective Finn is when it comes to his queer friends, and knowing I had at least one person there to support me⁠—”

Stop talking.

Karson sits silently and I shift in my seat, reaching for my drink.

“You’ve developed close friendships with teammates too,” I continue. “We all have. That’s what happens.”

“Yep. But the way you talk about Finn, it sounds like⁠—”

“We’re not that,” I deny immediately, hating the fact that I’m lying again, and to my brother of all people. “No.”

“Sel?”

“I’m not… I mean, he’s my teammate, for fuck’s sake.”

Karson’s eyes narrow. “Are you upset because the rumor is bullshit or because there’s truth to it?”

My throat tightens as I recall kissing Finn. Even now, I swear I can feel his sweet, sexy lips against mine. His hunger took me by surprise, in the best way, and I thought I was way past revelations when it came to sex.

“It’s… I can’t—” I whisper.

The door to our room suddenly opens, and the hostess steps inside.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, your guests have arrived.”

Karson nods and tells her to bring them back.

“We’ll finish this later,” Karson insists as he squeezes my arm.

The Rush are the first to arrive, and my eyes search for Finn without fail. Like the rest of the guys, he’s dressed casually for dinner in dark jeans, a white button down, and a forest-green bomber jacket. His hair’s starting to grow out, and I grin when I notice the cowlick is still untamed. The closer he gets, the longer I stare, my gaze catching on the red scruff on his face. He’d look hot as hell with a beard, but all I can think is I hope it doesn’t cover his dimples.

I quickly look away and reach for my glass of water, my hand shaking. Is it ever going to be steady again?

Half the Toronto Sentinels arrive a short while later, and soon the dining room is packed with two dozen hungry hockey players. It makes for an interesting gathering, and I’m grateful for the distraction. Finn says a brief hello to me, then sits on the other side of Karson and the two of them start talking like long lost buddies. Everyone finally settles down and we get to the important part of the evening: ordering and eating.