Page 4 of Rookie Attraction

“Let’s take a break,” I call out. “Five minutes.”

The players head off to hydrate, and I surreptitiously watch Silas pat Finn’s shoulder. Like Damien said, those two are close, and as they talk, Finn finally lets out a grin. Even though the smile doesn’t reach his eyes, he’s putting on a brave face, and I admire that.

It’s an important reminder that courage isn’t always dramatic, sometimes it’s simply showing up, even when you don’t want to. Facing the unknown and pushing forward. I’ve always had this mindset when it comes to playing hockey, but I can’t say the same for my personal life. I’ve protected this secret about my sexuality for years. Maybe it’s time to change that.

Finn

After a short break, I pump myself up.

You’re ready now. You can do this.

We get back to our three-on-three, but a few minutes in and it’s clear I’m wrong. Dane dekes around me again and slams the puck home.

“Yes!” he shouts, pumping his fist in the air.

“Fuck,” I mutter.

“That’s 3–1 for Dane’s team!” Sel calls out. “Finn, what did we talk about earlier?”

“Obviously I can’t remember,” I grumble.

My focus is shit and it’s the worst timing ever. Fucking up in front of Selwin Kirkland, my favorite d-man in the league, has me more than embarrassed. I’m goddamn pissed at myself, and I rein in the need to slam my stick against the ice. Being wrapped up in my head means that I’m missing basic shit and screwing up like I’ve never played hockey before.

You can still turn it around.

Coach Banning calls out my name.

Or maybe not.

Pushing off, I slowly skate toward Coach, mentally preparing myself to be dismissed.

“Talk to me, Finn,” Banning says as I draw near. “How’s your mom?”

I sigh, willing my emotions to settle.

“She’s okay. Her spirits, I mean. The results aren’t back yet. The waiting is taking forever.”

The waiting is making me sick with worry.

“I’m sorry. If you need to skip a day of camp, let me know.”

“I’d rather be here,” I admit. “I need to keep busy.”

“It seems like you’re having trouble focusing.”

“I’m having an off day, but I swear it’ll pass. I promise.”

Coach nods.

“Once Kirkland is done, go rest up. Tomorrow will be better.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

We continue our game, but eventually, Dane’s team wins 5–2. There are more drills, and after, plenty of time to listen to Sel’s evaluation of our performance, individually and as a group. It leaves me wishing he’d be here longer so I could play for him like I did in that championship game, rather than the shit I offered today.

After we’re done, the school’s dean of athletics appears with a journalist in tow to take pictures and interview us about the hockey camp. I keep my answers brief and force myself to put on a happy face even if I don’t feel like it.

Once the PR stuff is over, we’re dismissed.