Page 255 of Light Leech

“At least I have a hobby, you shac.” She pointed at Sanna. “Flip her over, please. If rather not waste time with Boyband’s unqualified critique.”

“Should I shock him for you?” Kuni asked.

“You little traitor!” Boyband peddled back.

Ralia laughed. “Maybe, but not right now. Kun, how long do you think we have until she wakes up?”

“I dunno, but I can make her wake up.”

“How?”

“I can use the light like a switch. Push and pull. That’s how we took light and gave it to that bad guy.”

“Hmm, not yet. Let’s try to see what we can find in her neurospace while she’s out, then we can if necessary.”

Ralia pulled a line of blue light from the neuroset and dragged the fiber to the metallic base of the back of Sanna’s skull. She then sat at the desk and placed her hand on the set. Light flashed up her arm, then into her eyes.

“See anything?” Boyband asked.

“Zeg, BB, give me a minute.”

Naoma looked at me and took a deep breath, turning up the corners of her mouth but she had more concern than smile.

“You good?” I asked.

She nodded. “Just worried.”

“About what?”

“What we’ll find. What we won’t find.”

I cared, didn’t I? Was I feeling apathetic? Worn out? Overwhelmed with the Correction, whatever Boyband’s parents might have wanted from Water Hills, Haven, Reef’s rising, every other Beacon. The weight of the world was building upon my shoulders, becoming more burdensome by the moment. Apathy was starting to turn into anxiety. I didn’t want a socitab. I craved a worrytab to knock out my fears and cognitive trembling despite the consequences.

Terror was building, but I had to keep it in. I could let it free elsewhere, but I had a family relying upon me. To survive I would have to forget myself and serve. If I suffered for their success, it would all be worth it.

“Pet?”

“Yeah?” I forced a smile. “Just thinking. I’m sure it’ll work out. If not now, later. If we don’t figure out what Sanna wanted, we’ll just try something with the next assassin, right?”

“I guess.” She smiled, once again lacking the joy I hoped to see. The joy we all chased. Were we damned to fake it until this ended? Then what? Ending the Gongtide would not end neocapitolocracy’s vice. It would not end suffering nor would injustice cease.

Therefore, we had to find it. Capture it like lightning in the instant it appeared.

I had already convinced myself that I had to forget my needs for the sake of others. Perhaps in this I could find joy in a broken world.

I had to find her joy. Our days together between Arabasia and her therapist were hardly enough to learn who she actually was. What she actually needed. Every moment together I saw further beyond the mask of the Neon Idol I had adored. I admit that, but she was no more than a construct. I liked Naoma. I was liking her more each day. I wanted to know her as much as she wanted to know herself.

She needed her past, even if it wasn’t a joyous history. I knew she needed completion. Clarity.

“We’ll finish your story,” I said. It was not the first time I said something to her that didn’t quite make sense. “Your past is out there. We’ll find it. We’ll find it or someone who can.”

“Thanks, but there are more important things. Things that matter.”

“You matter.“ I said what might have earned a laugh, especially if Boyband heard it, but it was sincere. She smiled. One of those rare genuine ones that lit up like violet light in a darkened world.

“Breaching her security wall now,” Ralia said.

Naoma’s gaze lingered. I savored it more than any touch I had felt in months.