Yeah just… a lot on my mind.
Xander
Good a lot or bad a lot?
My throat gets tight.
Thalia
Somewhere in the middle.
Xander
That’s usually the dangerous place.
I stare at the message thread for a while before feeling the urge to scroll back through Damian’s messages, desperately searching for something that proves I’m not imagining the wrongness. That I didn’t already step over a boundary I can’t redraw.
One message strikes me, and I compare it to one of Xander’s.
Xander asks, ‘What do you actually want?’
Damian asks, ‘When can I have you?’
Two threads.
Two completely different worlds.
Then, because it’s easier, I change the subject. I tell Xander I’m nervous about a date. I don’t name Damian. I don’t explain the truth behind why I’m nervous. I keep it light.
Thalia
First date jitters lol.
Xander doesn’t joke.
Xander
You don’t owe anyone anything you don’t want to give.
He sends a short voice message right after. Barely three seconds.
“Seriously. You don’t.”
His voice is quiet and steady. The kind that leaves space instead of taking it. I replay it once. Then again. Something inside me aches in a way that feels raw and unfamiliar. Not romantic. Not yet.
Just… safe.
Like someone finally cracked open a window in a locked room. My first instinct is to argue. To say, ‘Yeah, obviously,’ as though it’s a thing I’ve always believed and not something I’ve spent years unlearning the opposite of. But I don’t. I just stare at the message, thumb resting on the like button, wanting to press it and not pressing it because I don’t want to make it obvious how bad I needed to hear that.
Thalia
Thank you.
Xander
You’re welcome.
Also, if he’s weird, I’ll fight him.