Page 52 of Single Player

“Choosing can be a frightening experience.” Dr. Hillwater crossed her legs at the ankle. “It’s also empowering. You can move forward in many different ways from here, but I’d like to challenge you to be deliberate about choosing your next steps, rather than just letting them happen to you. Does that feel like a fair challenge?”

Silas nodded. He still felt the adrenaline rush of opting in to whatever he had with Matthew, and having done so, couldn’t imagine not acting on that decision.

Dr. Hillwater flipped to a new page in her notepad. “Now, I’d love to talk about your experiences with anxiety this week.”

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After the therapy session, Silas went to the nearby deli where he and Elliot had agreed to meet. He was early, so he ordered his sandwich and chose a window booth, feeling a mixture of emotions brought on by his time with Dr. Hillwater and this upcoming meeting. He had a lot of lingering feelings of resentment toward Elliot that he was trying to work through, feelings that he might bring up during his next therapy session, but this lunch meeting was probably a good start. There was always the possibility that Elliot had ulterior motives with this lunch, calling him to a neutral space to let him know that they wouldn’t need him back at Wayscorp. Silas had read and reread Elliot’s email yesterday combing it for tone clues, but had come up with nothing to indicate this was anything other than a friendly check-in. Still, Silas was a little nervous as he waited for the other man to arrive.

Elliot was easy to spot, his large frame filling the main entrance, and he smiled in greeting when he spotted Silas. “Did you order already?” he asked, coming up to the table and shaking Silas’s hand.

“Hello, Elliot. Yes, they’re making it now.” He nodded to the counter.

When Elliot rejoined him after ordering, sliding into the wooden booth, he carried a tension in his frame that gave Silas a knot in his stomach even as he told himself to keep calm and relaxed. “So,” Elliot said, rubbing his palms together. “Thanks for meeting with me.”

Silas almost said something snarky like, “It’s not like I have anything better to do,” but he was trying to be less negative, and so he just nodded. “No problem. How are you?”

“I’m good, good.” Elliot nodded. “How about you? How are you . . . doing?” The pause felt awkward. What had he been thinking of saying? Silas wondered. Holding up? Managing? Surviving? He felt some compassion for Elliot’s position, having had to put him on leave. It must not have been an easy or comfortable decision to make.

“I’m doing better, actually,” Silas answered. If he set the issues with Matthew aside and looked instead at his mental health otherwise, he had been improving. “I started seeing a therapist. Dr. Nancy Hillwater. I’ve seen her twice, and it’s been very helpful.”

Elliot visibly relaxed. “Good, good. That’s really a big step, Silas. No shame in it, either.”

Silas tried not to bristle. “No, I’m not ashamed at all. Mental health care is just as important as physical.”

Elliot nodded. “I agree. After my divorce, I started seeing a therapist, Dr. Castillo, and he helped me work through a lot of things.”

He hadn’t expected Elliot to open up like that, and the honesty made him relax. “Thank you for sharing that,” he said, meaning it. “How are things at Wayscorp?”

Elliot shrugged. “Somewhat the same. We’ve divided up your work temporarily, and you know, it makes things a bit slower going, but we’re making do. Looking forward to having you back, though.”

Silas felt a palpable sense of relief, all the tension leaving his body at once as he sagged a bit in the booth. “Thank you. I’m looking forward to coming back.”

They paused as both sandwiches were delivered, multilayered beasts with piles of meat and all the fixings. It’s what this deli was known for. “Christ, that is a beautiful thing,” Elliot said reverently.

Silas smiled. “I know, right? This is so big, it should have its own zip code.”

“You’re a pastrami man, too?” Elliot looked over at Silas’s sandwich with a nod of respect. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Silas looked down at his sandwich as well, a New York–style pastrami on rye, which was nearly identical to Elliot’s. “You can’t beat it. I’d like to have a real one from New York someday.”

“I love New York.” Elliot looked up from his sandwich. “Katz’s Delicatessen, buddy. It’s all about Katz’s. It’s a bit of a trek from downtown and pricey as hell, but totally worth it. That’s an experience everybody should have. You ever been to New York?”

Silas shook his head. “I used to live up in Massachusetts when I was at MIT, but I never made it down to the city. I’m not a huge fan of cities. Boston was about all I could handle, but I suppose everybody should visit New York at some point.”

“True.” Elliot nodded. “I lived in New York for a few years after graduate school.”

“Why’d you move down here?” Silas asked. So few people were born in Florida like he was; most were transplants. He finally started in on his sandwich, which was delicious, a perfect blend of salty pastrami, tangy yellow mustard, and the earthy richness of fresh rye bread.

Elliot finished chewing his own mouthful to answer. “My parents retired down here, and my wife and I moved down to take care of them when they started getting older. Got the job at Wayscorp, and I liked it a lot, so I stayed even after we ended things.” He took another bite of his sandwich. “I sure don’t miss the New York traffic, but I do miss the food sometimes. This sandwich is pretty good, though. So, how have you been filling your time, if you don’t mind me asking?” Elliot switched from his sandwich to the chips.

“A few different things,” Silas said, not sure how to describe the mishmash of activities of the past week and a half. Elliot looked like he wanted more info, but Silas wasn’t sure what to tell him. Despite the hostility he’d felt for Elliot when he’d first told Silas about the forced leave, he could see the real reason for this meeting had to do with Elliot’s guilt, or maybe he’d been put up to it by their boss and the guilt was just a side effect. Regardless, he didn’t want Elliot feeling terrible about what had ultimately been a smart decision.

“Listen.” Silas set the sandwich down. “I know it wasn’t easy to do what you did, putting me on leave like that. I’m not saying I was happy about it, but I understand why you did it, and I don’t hold any grudges against you. I wasn’t myself there, and I think this time away will be good for me. It already has been.” He watched Elliot’s face as a measure of relief washed over it.

Elliot cleared his throat, taking a gulp of soda. “Thanks, man, that means a lot to hear you say that,” he said. “You’re right. It wasn’t easy. I’m glad it’s been helpful. And thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. I know I’m not your favorite person right now.”

Silas shrugged, feeling more free than he had in a while. “It’s not personal, Elliot. We both want to do what’s best for the company.” He took a deep breath. It was all about moving forward now and opening himself up to the people around him. “Maybe after I come back to work you and I can—we can do this again sometime. Or something.”