Page 12 of Raked Away in September

“That’s my girl,” he said softly, unmistakable pride shining in his dark eyes. “You’ll be the Countess of Haversham, and you can tell them all to bloody well hang, if you choose.”

A sound somewhere between a gasp and a laugh escaped her. She’d never known anyone who thought such things and actually dared to speak them aloud. “Perhaps I will,” she said daringly.

With a smile, he reached out and squeezed her hand. Even through their gloves, she could feel his heat, and it soothed something within her. She could do this. She could get through tonight.

If only she were as certain about tomorrow.

Chapter Seven

The morning of her wedding, Tamsin stood in front of the long mirror in her bedroom, trying to pinch a little color into her pale cheeks. She looked exhausted and terrified, which wasn’t surprising, as she absolutely was both of those things.

She hadn’t slept a wink last night, fantasizing about simply running away, going to one of her family’s country estates, and living there in exile for the rest of her life. Would dying alone and childless be better than forcing the Earl of Haversham to marry her? How could those be her only two options?

Though Rowan had been a very good sport about all of this, and she’d loved the time they’d spent together last night, she couldn’t help but worry that he’d quickly come to resent her.

A soft knock at her door jarred her out of her spiraling thoughts. “Come in,” she answered softly.

Olivia stepped inside her bedchamber, giving her a wan smile. “You look lovely, Tamsin. Are you ready to go down?”

Tamsin shook her head. “No. But I don’t think I ever will be.”

“You can still say no,” Olivia assured her, her face serious. “Nick will be angry, but this is for the rest of your life. Don’t tie yourself to this man if you don’t trust him to keep you safe.”

“I barely know him,” Tamsin replied with a lost little laugh. “How can I possibly trust him?”

Olivia sank into a chair in front of the fireplace. “I suppose most women don’t really know the men they’re marrying. I certainly didn’t know Nick on our wedding day.”

“We’ve only talked twice, but he has been kind to me so far,” Tamsin said slowly. She sighed wistfully. “He’s dreadfully good-looking, don’t you think?” She kept coming back to the attraction simmering between them, which seemed to be the only thing their relationship had going for it. But that wasn’t enough. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that it was.

Olivia laughed. “He certainly is. But you can’t base a marriage on physical attraction alone.”

“What should it be based on?” Tamsin really wanted to know. She felt so out of her depth. She had no idea what he expected of her or what she should expect from him.

“Friendship would be a good place to start,” Olivia said softly. “Do you think that’s possible with a man like him?”

Their two interactions had been very friendly and conversational. He wasn’t condescending or critical, like so many of the men she knew. She had to believe they could build on that and somehow become friends. “I think so. I hope so.”

“Well, if you’re determined to go through with this marriage, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Olivia’s face reddened, and Tamsin suddenly realized where this conversation was headed.

“Oh, thank God,” Tamsin breathed. “I thought I was going to have to go into this completely blind.”

Though she was embarrassed at the very thought of discussing these matters with her sister-in-law, she felt she desperately needed some clarification after what she’d seen in the Dark Walks. Apparently, the sex act was not what she had imagined from overhearing whispered conversations and watching the animals at her family’s country house.

“You can always ask me anything,” Olivia hastened to reassure her. “I went into my wedding night with nothing but the ramblings of an elderly aunt who confused me more than she enlightened me.”

“That’s awful,” Tamsin said, shaking her head. “You must have been so nervous.”

“I was,” Olivia said, but a wistful look crossed her face. “Nick was very sweet and gentle, though, so we managed to muddle our way through it quite nicely.”

Heat rushed to Tamsin’s cheeks at the thought of her brother doing anything sexual, but she was glad he’d been good to his wife. “So… can you tell me what to expect?”

Olivia flushed even deeper. “Well, you’ll both undress. He’ll probably want to kiss you and touch you in all your most private places. If he does, let him, because it will go easier for you if you are enjoying it.”

“And will I?” Tamsin asked, biting her lip. “Will I enjoy it? I’ve heard it’s painful.”

“I imagine that it can be, for some women, especially those who don’t have gentle and considerate lovers,” Olivia said honestly. “But I only felt a slight twinge, and then it was actually quite… pleasant. Do you understand the basic mechanics of it?”

“Yes,” Tamsin said quickly, but then immediately thought of what she’d witnessed in the Dark Walks. “But are there other ways of making love? Ways other than the typical way?”