Page 89 of Such Sharp Teeth

“I like watching,” I say. “I like watching you.”

“Now I’m self-conscious,” he says.

“Come here.”

He lets the bat drop and steps toward me. I put my visor up. I step on an old TV to get closer to his face. I push his visor up and kiss him.

Next thing I know, we’re tripping over the VCR mountain, and he’s got me on the hood of the car I smashed to shit.

“You guys can’t be doing that,” the man says over the loudspeaker. “You can’t do that in here.”

“We’re not allowed to make out in here?” I ask.

“No, ma’am.”

“Uh!” I say to Ian, sliding off the hood. “He called me ‘ma’am.’ ”

Ian puts his hands up in surrender. “Rules are rules.”

I pull my visor down. “Fine.”

We find a pile of creepy porcelain dolls in the corner and bash their faces in. We stomp on some VHS tapes, throw bottles at the wall. If I feel the rage swell, I take a deep breath and look at him, and it goes away.

Not a problem. I like looking at him.

—

I don’t know why I tell Mom about my date with Ian. She’s the last person I should be talking to about a potential relationship, but it’s an hour to the airport and we don’t exactly have a wealth of palatable topics to choose from.

“After the rage room, he took me back to his place and made me chicken parmigiana,” I say. “It was nice.”

“What a story it would be,” she says. “Childhood sweethearts coming back together.”

“We weren’t childhood sweethearts. We never dated.”

“Wouldn’t it be something if you two got together, and then Scarlett got back together with Rich.”

“I think Rich is married.”

Mom waves her hand like she’s clearing smoke. “Marriages don’t last.”

“You’re married.”

“Guy and I are soul mates,” she says.

“Ah, right,” I say. “Of course.”

“Maybe you and Ian are soul mates.”

“Definitely.”

I did look up our zodiac compatibility earlier, a true low point for me. The match seemed promising, but I bailed when it got into moon signs. All set there.

“I know you’re a skeptic,” Mom says, cracking the window even though the heat is on. “But if you open yourself up to the possibility of love, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“Do soul mates make each other cum a lot? Like, multiple times in a row? Because then, for sure, we’re soul mates.”

“You’re vulgar,” she says. “But yes, they do.”