Page 83 of Such Sharp Teeth

“There is something punchable about him, isn’t there?”

“He’s smug.”

“I’m smug.”

“Yeah, but it works on you.”

“I know,” I say, sliding down and using his thigh as a pillow. He plays with my hair.

Maybe there is hope. Maybe there is a horizon.

“I was so mad,” I tell him. “I’ve been mad a lot lately.”

“At Matty or just in general?”

“Well, my mom’s a factor, for sure. But beyond that, I don’t really know.”

It’s not a lie. Not exactly. I’m being as honest as I can, telling him as much as possible without getting into the furry specifics.

“It’s kind of worrying me, my anger,” I say.

I watch. I wait for some hint of disgust at this confession.

“I think having some anger is probably healthy, to a certain extent. There’s plenty to be mad about.”

“Do you ever get angry?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Everyone gets angry.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you mad before.”

“I’m usually pretty quick to skip to sad,” he says. “If something’s bothering me, I just shut down. Get quiet. I don’t yell. It can be frustrating for people close to me.”

“That you’re quiet?”

“Yeah,” he says. “That when I’m feeling some type of way, I disconnect. Sometimes I wish I could yell. Have that external release. Get out whatever’s going on in my head.”

“What’s in it?” I ask, reaching up to tug gently on his ear. “Your head.”

“A lot,” he says. “A lot of shit.”

“Will you tell me?” I ask.

“What’s in my head?”

“Mm.”

“This is what you do,” he says, grinning. “You want me to put all my cards out on the table and you get to remain a mystery. You know how I feel about you.”

“We’re not thirteen anymore,” I say, sitting up.

“I know that.”

“You said I was the same. The morning after bowling. But what if that’s not true? What if I’m not who you think I am? What if you don’t really know me?”

“I don’t assume that I do,” he says. “What I meant the other day wasn’t that you’re exactly how you were in high school. You’re as funny and smart and witty and cool as I remember. But I know you’ve lived a lot of life since then. So have I.”

“Yeah,” I say, pulling the blanket over my head so I look like a Jedi.