“Yeah. Like beef jerky, turkey jerky.”
“Uh, no,” he says. “Sorry.”
“Bummer.”
I’m sitting on something. There’s a small, sharp object poking into my left butt cheek. Seems like too much effort to remove it. So I don’t. I don’t care.
I don’t care about anything anymore.
Anything or anyone.
I tried. I’m done.
I close my eyes and will myself to sleep.
XI
There’s something in my nose. I open my eyes, and Luca’s tiny face is there. He’s got his small grubby finger shoved up my nostril.
“Luca,” I say.
He removes the finger, then climbs onto my lap. He sports dinosaur underpants and what I presume is one of Ash’s tank tops. It’s lacy.
“Luca, I’m sleeping.”
“No sleeping,” he says. “My chair.”
“Luca,” I hear Seth say. “Luca, be nice to Aunt Rory.”
“No,” he says.
“Appreciate your candor.”
I yawn and rub my eyes. Last night comes back to me. The hurt is there, crawling out of the shallow grave I attempted to bury it in.
I’ve been fighting so hard for a future, and for what? For whom?
It was a mistake, letting my guard down. Giving in to my feelings for Ian. Allowing myself to have those feelings in the first place. I should have known better. I should have protected myself.
It’s on me.
Luca shoves his finger up my other nostril.
“All right,” I say, shifting so I can stand. I find a plastic block under my butt.
“That mine,” Luca says.
“If you really want it back,” I say. “After where it’s been.”
He does. He snatches it out of my hands.
Something smells amazing. “You making breakfast?” I call out.
I pick up Luca under my arm and let him hang there. He giggles. I carry him into the kitchen with me.
Seth multitasks. He flips pancakes, attends to a skillet full of an egg scramble with bacon and sausage and scallion.
“You’re a hero,” I tell him.