Page 99 of Blightfall

I waited.

And waited.

Stars, it was hard to be quiet when I knew someone was hurting.

“You weren’t around when I lost my brothers,” Nedd said finally. “You hadn’t started flight school yet.”

I was only six months younger than the original Skyward Flight, but sometimes it felt like a lot more. “Yeah,” I said. “I hadn’t even taken the pilot’s test.”

“There was this debris,” he said, “falling out of the belts around Detritus, and the Krell used it as cover to come after us.” His voice sounded far away, like a part of him was back there. “This enormous facility was falling to the surface, and the Krell chased my brothers inside. They were lost in there, and I was trying to save them, to help them find their way out.”

“They didn’t make it,” I said. I knew the end of the story, though I’d never heard Nedd tell it.

“I almost died in there with them.” He shrugged. “Sometimes I hear them talking to me. They’re trapped, and they can’t get out. I hear them screaming at me in my dreams. I’m searching for them, but the light is so bright and I can’t see, I can’t find them. And then sometimes I’m wide awake, and I hear Callum calling to me, like he’s the one searching for me, still trying to find a way out of that place.”

My heart broke for him. I knew he missed his brothers, but I hadn’t known how much they haunted him. “I’m sorry that happened,” I said.

Nedd shook his head. “I shouldn’t have gotten in a ship today. I shouldn’t even be here.”

“It wasn’t your fault that the battle went wrong,” I said. “Arturo ordered us to land up there. It was the wrong call, but he couldn’t have known that going in.” Stars, maybe we’d all gotten a little too used to being exceptional during the war, to pulling off close calls and winning against the odds.

Maybe our lucky streak was over, and we were going to die here one by one.

“You’re right,” Nedd said. “But when it comes down to it, I choke. I’m not like Jorgen or Arturo. I feel…this desperation, you know? To save the people I care about. When I was shot down during the war, I lost my arm, but the hyperslug who flew with me lost his life. Chubs didn’t deserve that, and I don’t want anyone else to die because of me.”

“Chubs didn’t die because of you,” I said. “He died because he was a soldier in a war. He died doing what he loved.”

“He died trying to protect me,” Nedd said. “I didn’t want to put Alanik at risk today just because I can’t fly. I wanted to prove I could do it. But I can’t, and watching the rest of you keep flying eats me up every day. But even that pain is nothing compared to watching the people I love burn and not being able to save them. That’s what I can’t stand. I shouldn’t be in command. I shouldn’t be in a ship, not even as a copilot. I’m nothing but a scudding liability.”

I wished someone else were here in my place, someone who would have something wise to say. I didn’t feel like I knew a lot about leadership, or about death or mourning or grief. “I don’t know if it makes you a bad commander to feel that way,” I said, “but I do know it makes you a good person to care when people are in danger.”

Nedd leaned back, looking up at the trees. “I never wanted to be in command. I’ve been hiding behind Arturo and Jorgen this whole time. But I don’t want people to die because I can’t handle it. That’s worse than if I’d taken a ground position. Jorgen offered me one and I should have taken it.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

Nedd closed his eyes. “I didn’t want to disappoint Arturo. But it wasn’t just that. I wanted to stay with the flight. I didn’t want to be left behind.”

“I understand that,” I said. “Arturo didn’t want to bring me along, and I didn’t want to be left behind either.”

“Do you wish he’d left you now?” Nedd asked.

I considered that. “No,” I said. “Because I wouldn’t have seen this amazing planet with this incredible forest. You all still would have been in danger, but you would have had one fewer pilot to defend you. And maybe it’s selfish, because some other pilot might have done a better job, but I’m glad it was me. I’m glad I got the opportunity to fight alongside you, and Arturo, and Alanik, and Gilaf. And I’m glad you were here too.”

“Why?” Nedd asked.

“Because you’re Nedd,” I said. “Because you…” It was hard for me to put into words, the quintessential Neddness that made him a valuable member of the team. “Because you’re not afraid to say the obvious thing that everyone is thinking. And sometimes those things need to be said! Because you’re a good, competent navigator and you keep us out of trouble. Because you help keep the mood light, even when the mission gets scary as hell. Because—”

Because every one of us was valuable and contributed to the team, even if we didn’t do it in exactly the way someone else would. Because we didn’t.

“I’m glad we’re both here,” I said. “I wouldn’t trade the experience of it, even if parts of that experience are awful. Would you?”

Nedd shook his head. “No. If Arturo had flown off and died here, I would have regretted not being there with him for the rest of my life. I would have wondered if there was anything I could have done to stop it, even if there wasn’t.”

“You’re right,” I said. “But we don’t know that Arturo is dead. He and Gilaf may have made it.”

“You don’t know that,” Nedd said.

“I don’t. But I have hope. And I’m going to keep having hope until the universe proves otherwise.”