Page 21 of Twisted Road

There was a small silence while she turned that question over and over in her mind. He knew she wanted to be honest with him, and she was playing out the scenario in her head. “I think I would hesitate, but I don’t know.”

“You know. You would hesitate.” He reached for her and lifted her onto his lap, still curled up in that tight little ball. He had to hold her. Had to have his arms around her. “Baby, your life is worth far more than mine.”

She curled closer into him, but she didn’t answer him, and that was an answer in itself.

“You aren’t getting me. You think you’re less than me. I think you’re more. I never wanted a woman hanging around me, you know that. You know what I’m like, but I can’t live in this world if you’re not in it. I was hanging on by a thread, and that thread was fuckin’ thin. And then I saw you. You’re like sunshine breaking through the worst storm clouds. You are, Lyric. To me, you are. You’re that miracle I didn’t know I needed or wanted.”

“Keys…”

“No, let me say this. It has to be said because you don’t seem to understand, and you have to get it. I need you alive. It isn’t a want, it’s a need. That first time you looked out the glass door of your salon and saw me coming, you stepped right into the doorway, and you smiled. I swear to God, baby, my world changed right in that moment.”

He reached for the cleanest cloth they had and poured water from the flask onto it so he could hold it gently over her eyes. “I live with a monster inside me. It’s relentless and merciless and there was no way to keep it at bay. Until you. Until that smile that lit up the world. The one that told me you were seeing more than the killer. More than a walking cock. You saw me, and because you did, I could see me too.”

“You were always there, Keys.”

He shook his head. “You gave that to me. I’m addicted to that feeling that I’m more than a killer. More than a cock. I only have that from you. Now that I’ve felt it, now that I’m used to being worthwhile, you can’t just rip it away because you refuse to take care of yourself. That would be the same as shoving that gun against my head and pulling the trigger.”

“You can’t really think like that.”

“You know some of what I’ve done. What kind of man does those things and remains decent? Sometimes when I put my hands on you, like now, I feel like you take the blood that’s caked on me and somehow dissolve it like it was never there. You said I’d probably been with a hundred women. Babe, hundreds. Hundreds of women, maybe a thousand. I don’t remember them. I don’t remember what they felt like. You touch me, a brush of your hand and it’s more intimate than anything I’ve ever experienced. It isn’t even sexual, and it’s more intimate. You can’t take that away from me, Lyric. You gave it to me, and you can’t take it away.”

“I had no idea you felt so strongly about me,” she whispered to him.

“Does that scare you?”

“Only the thought of letting you down. I’m just me, Keys. I gave that to you because you were so like me, and I knew you needed to be seen because I needed it. But you can’t think that you aren’t worth anything. The things that you do, few others could. They’re hard, and they take pieces of you, but if you don’t go after human traffickers and pedophiles, who would save the victims? I would want to, but I’m not equipped. What you do is important. It’s needed. You’re needed with your expertise.”

He’d never thought of it that way. He thought of himself as a killer. He was one. But she was right, he didn’t kill indiscriminately. He wouldn’t go after anyone the cops could easily take down and put away.

“Thanks for giving me that perspective, Lyric, but it doesn’t negate what I’m telling you. I want you to hear me. You ever get into a situation where your life is in danger, I need you, for me, to ensure that you live. I need that from you, and I want you to give me your word of honor that you’ll look after you first, before anything else.”

She hesitated, and his heart sank. “Babe, I see you’re not getting me.”

“No, I do get you, but I don’t ever want to lie to you. I have to think through all the scenarios that could possibly happen. What if my choice is to save a child? Or the mother of several children?”

He groaned. That was so like her. Now her mind was going to be looping a hundred scenarios she would have to make choices in. He leaned into her and deliberately nipped her chin. “Just stop and say if it’s between you and a bad guy, you’ll choose you. For me. You’ll do that.”

“I can do that,” she agreed. “I think you’re a little nuts to get so worked up. I threw you a pair of scissors. I was saving my life too.”

“Bullshit you were. You made yourself a target so Merrit would turn the gun away from me to you.”

She pressed the cold cloth over her eyes a little harder. “Maybe you’re right, Keys. Whatever you think about me, just know I feel that way about you. I know you’re protective, but I am as well. I have no idea what we have together, but I do know you’re important to me.”

“I also need you to be very brave and come back to Caspar with me. I managed to get a call through to Code, I told you about his abilities on a computer. He patched Czar in and they’re coming for us. We’re going to have to hold out when the Headed for Hell club comes for us, and they will. They’re closer, and they’ll swarm up the mountain. We have to lay low and ride it out until Czar brings the army with him. Then we have to get you somewhere safe.”

“We talked about it,” she reminded him, clearly not wanting to talk about it again.

“Yeah, we did. I want your word that you’ll go with me. You were out of it before. I don’t want you changing your mind at the last minute and accusing me of taking advantage of your head injury.”

“You are taking advantage by insisting I give you my word.”

“The only thing preventing me from shaking you until your teeth rattle is that brain injury.”

“Are you always going to threaten me with physical violence when you don’t get your way?”

“No. As soon as you’re feeling better, I’m applying those lessons firsthand.”

“I’d roll my eyes, but I hurt. I’ll go with you, but I’m going to be telling you I told you so. For some reason, you’re okay with me. I can pretty much guarantee they won’t be.”