Page 53 of Paper Ghosts

He looked confused. “For your child?”

“Bailey was only a part of your reason.” Willamena stared at him. “I know there’s something you’ve always wanted to tell me. If you still don’t want to say it, that’s okay. I already know. But you’re pretending we have all the time in the world, Tug. And we don’t.”

“You know a lot of things you shouldn’t know,” he said. “But not everything.”

“Did I ever tell you about my great-uncle William?”

He shook his head.

“I only met him a few times as a child, but I was incredibly fond of him. He was the only one of my grandmother’s brothers who would still visit. The rest cut her out of their lives, resentful that she’d inherited everything. But William would drive in from the coast once a year and bring me saltwater taffy and let me ride in his convertible with the top down. He was a wonderful man. And he was gay, too.” She waited for Tug to say something, but it soon became clear she had rendered him speechless. “I probably knew before you did, Tug. It was one of the reasons I told you that a life away from this house was my expectation after you graduated high school.”

She could see him immediately start to close down. “I see.”

“No, you don’t,” she said with a smile. “You don’t at all. I wasn’t disappointed in you. I’ve never been disappointed in you. I sent you away because I wanted you to be yourself, and you didn’t know how to here. But you married Maria in college instead, and you were miserable. Then Maria died, and you were even more miserable. I know how close to the edge you were when you called me. You needed a place to hide, where your secrets were safe. And there is no safer place for secrets than this house.”

Tug leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands. He stared at the floor. Eventually, a single teardrop landed on the hardwood. He quickly wiped his face with his hand and got up to walk away. He stood at the windows overlooking the lawn, his back to her. “You really know how to knock someone’s feet out from under them.”

“So I’ve been told.”

His back still to her, he said, “I fell in love with a man named Ash when we were in Raleigh. Nothing happened. I wouldn’t have done that to Maria. But she knew. I think she always knew, and she couldn’t take it anymore. So I’m the one responsible for that wreck. Bailey could have died that night, too.” He wiped his face again. “Ash lives in Chapel Hill now, with his son. I feel so guilty for being happy with him.”

His grief pierced her, and she hated all of these emotions, the intensity of them. She wished she’d known how to love openly so she could have taught him and Bailey. But the only way she’d ever been able to give her family what they needed was in pieces, broken, like she was. “The only person who thinks you’re not worthy is you. I’ve never regretted having you, just as I know you’ve never regretted having Bailey, but we both lived our lives inauthentically. It’s not too late for you.”

He turned to her then, her sweet, handsome son with the nickname Jack had given him because he was always pulling on her skirt as a toddler, making her say to him, Stop tugging. “Why do you have to leave when we’ve finally gotten to this point?” he asked, tears still in his eyes.

She shook her finger at him. “Don’t you dare mourn me. I don’t want a reason to haunt you.”

He laughed and took a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his nose. “When you had surgery on your shoulder after Bailey left, I was going to move out when you’d recovered. I didn’t think we could ever have this. It was Ash who told me to stay. He said to try to figure out why you are the way you are, instead of resenting you for the rest of my life.”

“And have you figured me out?”

“Of course not. But from what little I know about your grandmother, I understand now how hard you tried to make sure what you experienced wasn’t passed down.”

“I wasn’t entirely successful.”

“You did the best you could with what you knew.”

“So did you,” she said. “After things have settled down and the house is gone, tell Bailey. She’ll be happy you found someone.”

“Bailey.” He sighed as he pocketed his handkerchief. “I don’t understand why she’s so resistant to being happy. I want her to find someone, too.”

“She will. I’m working on it.” Willamena stood, waving Tug away when he walked over to help her. “Don’t try to sneak any more of those recipes to me.”

“Okay, you win,” he said.

She reached out and took his hand. When he gave it to her, she kissed it once and said, “Stop tugging.”

Then she left, that sudden burst of affection leaving him gobsmacked.

She found Jack waiting in her bedroom doorway. “Color me surprised,” he said. “I thought you would hide in the sunroom and pout all day because I made you tell him.”

“Says the man who spent years pouting in the basement after I sent Tug away.”

“We’ve had a good run in this house, haven’t we?”

“Yes,” she said. “We have.”

“Whatever happens, Wills, if I can be with you, I will.”