Page 39 of Roses & Ruin

“I can’t tell you anything now.” I wince.

Julian laughs, shaking his head. “No, no, no, come on, doesn’t matter if this is your first date, just tell me, I won’t—” Julian catches sight of my face and cuts himself off. I give him a guilty nod. “No,” he says. “No way.” His eyes go huge. “This is your first date? Christ, Rose, I…” Julian runs a hand through his hair, and god, it looks so good rumpled. “First of all, how’s that even possible, I mean, look at you.” He waves a hand up and down at me, sounding pissed. The buzz from the compliment is even better than the buzz from the wine. “Second of all, talk about pressure.”

Why can’t Hayden be the one to say things like this?

I kick that thought away, hard and fast as I can. Screw Hayden. I’m here with Julian. And he’s being wonderful to me. I flatten my palm against his chest.

“You’re doing beautifully,” I say. “Your grade going into the midterm is an A.”

“A? Not an A-plus?” he murmurs.

My two glasses of wine have me feeling coy. Flirty. “Let’s see how you do on the final.”

“You know,” he says in a low voice, “I’m a very good test taker.”

We drift from piece to piece, shoulders brushing as we stop to look at each one. More people have filtered in now; there are voices overlapping, laughter rising and falling, the room thick with bodies and heat. Someone bumps my elbow and apologizes. Julian leans closer so I can hear him, his mouth warm near my ear.

“You know, there’s a little courtyard out back.” Julian notches his brow in curiosity. “If you could use some fresh air?”

“Actually, yeah. I’d love that.”

Julian takes my arm. “Come on, then.”

The first burst of cold air feels incredible. I suck in whole lungfuls of it. Distantly, there’s a little grumble of thunder.

“Uh-oh,” Julian says, eyeing the sky.

“It’s okay,” I say, waving it off. I pace out to the garden, frowning at the ground.

I’m having a really good time. Better than good. Julian is attentive and charming and uncomplicated in all the ways I want him to be. This has been a perfect date. So why does it feel like something in me is holding back, like I’m waiting for a spark that refuses to catch?

A crack of thunder jolts me.

“Rose,” he says, “I’m sorry for not planning this better, but we should probably get inside—” But it’s too late. The sky opens. It’s one of those sudden storms, the heavy, rolling clouds squeezing out a flood of rain. Immediately, Julian and I are soaked. I squeal, laughing, and he grabs my hand, pulling me toward the landing.

Just before we duck under the awning, he stops, turns, and faces me. His eyes track hungrily across my face.

“Julian,” I call over the rush of water, “Julian, we’re getting soaked—”

“You ever kissed the rain, Rose?” he says breathlessly, and suddenly I’m breathless too. Julian takes a step closer, looking gorgeous and soaked, his eyes a green fire. “Say no. Please say no.” The rain rushes over us, sluicing down our bare necks, down my open back. Julian’s lids have fallen heavy. I can feel the desire coming off him in waves. “I want to be the first to do it,” he whispers against my lips. “So say no.”

“No,” I breathe, and he dives into me, his mouth covering mine, one hand cupping my nape, the other very low on my back. I throw my arms around his neck and gasp against his mouth, and with a hungry noise, he angles his head and deepens the kiss.

All of this is hot, my hands slipping beneath his soaked shirt to trace his firm stomach, the little gasp he makes when I do, the tiny jump of his hips.

But then it hits me. I know exactly whose mouth this isn’t. Whose hands these aren’t. The absence roars louder than the storm around us.

I hate myself, because even as Julian is making me moan, truly making me moan, there’s a part of me that’s imagining Hayden. A part of me, buried deep, hot and molten like the earth’s core, that is thinking, over and over:

I wish these were Hayden’s lips. Hayden’s hands. Hayden’s skin.

I want Hayden to ravage me.

I want Hayden.

I want Hayden.

Chapter 14