Page 71 of Catching Feelings

“What are you guys doing here?” I ask, breathless. My words are drowned out by the dogpile of them on top of me, hooting and clapping my back and waving their spirit signs in the air. “How are you? How’s the season? Santi, whatever happened with that Duke recruiter? And—” I glance down at Jared’s and Avery’s clasped hands, my eyes widening. “Holy shit, did you two finally confess your feelings?”

“First day of school,” Avery says with a grin. He’s grown out his reddish-brown hair and gotten a cartilage piercing. Looks very pirate-y. Either that’s the boyfriend effect, or seeing that dashing new look is part of what made Jared act on his feelings.

“I was feeling celebratory, because yeah, Santi is officially committed.” Jared’s dark skin turns a warmer shade that betrays his blush, and he turns to Santi, beads clacking on the ends of his braids. Deflecting attention as always. He nudges the QB affectionately, and, God, I missed them. It hits me so hard, I almost can’t breathe. “Talented bastard. Way to start the year on a high we can never top.”

Santi shakes his head modestly, and I feel a pang of regret from how much I’ve missed out on. For a moment, all I could think about was how good it was to see them—but now I’m reminded of all the milestones I’ve missed. All the distance between us, and how it got there.

“But we didn’t come to talk about that,” Santi says, elbowing Jared. He fixes me with that familiar look—intense with love, wanting to be sure he sees you, and that you see him seeing you—and says, “We came to talk about John.”

My chest clenches up all over again. They wouldn’t have come to my game just to reinforce how much I hurt him, would they?

Jared nudges Santi right back. “Stop it. You’re freaking him out.” He turns to me with an apologetic look. “He’s not going to press charges. We took care of it. We wanted to tell you, so you’re not worrying, and… yeah.” He trails off, nodding decisively as if that settles anything at all.

I’m only left with more questions. “What do you mean?” I frown. “How exactly did you take care of it?”

Jared snorts. “Oh man, you should see your face! What are you picturing, us showing up at his house with crowbars to the knees?”

Avery blinks. “Now, that actually sounds pretty good. Why didn’t we think of that?”

“Because violence isn’t the answer,” Dylan says earnestly. Jared runs a teasing hand over Dylan’s freshly buzzed head, twisting his mouth skeptically as if he doesn’t quite agree.

“Because we talked to him instead,” Santi continues patiently. Then he looks at me, the small smile on his lips at odds with the solemnity of his expression. “And we told him we would vouch for you and tell everyone it was self-defense. Like we should’ve done a lot earlier.”

My throat gets tight again. I look between them, searching for any sign this is a mirage inspired by all the conversations I dreamed of having for the last few months.

“That’s really why we’re here,” Jared adds. He claps me on the shoulder. “To apologize for not being better friends.”

Dylan grimaces. “We should have been a lot louder about telling everyone the truth of what happened. But I didn’t want to make things weirder on the team, and we were trying to move forward without two of our best players… It doesn’t excuse it. I’m sorry. Especially not after the way you stood up for me.”

I nod gruffly, unexpected emotion choking me up. “I forgive you. I should have been a better friend too. Shouldn’t have isolated myself when you all reached out this year. I just figured you guys all thought the worst of me.”

Santi winces. “I’m really sorry. We only think the best of you.” He drapes an arm around my shoulders. As if that wasn’t enough to almost make me break down crying in front of the whole school, he adds, “Because you’re the best of us.”

I laugh to cover up the sudden swell of feelings. I’ve been willing to do anything for this team ever since I became a part of it. It’s really nice to be reminded that they feel the same way about me.

“Okay, you better get back down there before rumors start spreading about football players crying all over the stands,” Jared says gruffly. Almost like he’s holding back some emotions himself.

I pull them close in one more grinning huddle, not quite ready to let go of this feeling yet. I’ve been without it for too long.

“No chance you’re going to come back to play for us?” Santi mumbles into my neck.

I pull back, looking at the sea of blue in the bleachers. At the cheering fans, the roar that vibrates through my chest. The feeling of unity and unquestioning faith in my abilities.

“You know, as much as I love you all… I think I’m finding a pretty good fit here in Hamilton Lakes.” I can’t help smiling. I glance down to the field, toward the merch table—where one particular blond figure is scowling up at us. Sabrina makes the universal I’m watching you signal at my friends, and even Santi looks terrified.

I give Sabrina the thumbs-up sign and shout, “Stand down!” even though there’s no way she can hear me from here. She crosses her arms without breaking eye contact, and I have to admit, it’s kind of nice to have her holding a grudge on my account.

Avery squints at me, narrowing his eyes. “Is that Strawberry-Milkshake Girl from your stories? Does this ‘pretty good fit’ have anything to do with her?”

I can only grin. “Maybe. If I’m lucky.”

And then I’m lost to the whooping and back-clapping of the whole pack, and people cheer in the stands around us even though they have no idea what’s going on, just for the joy of cheering for something, and this is all I wanted from this year. I haven’t been so happy in months. Maybe not ever.

When I pull away, it’s with something inextinguishable in my chest. “Okay, I gotta go. You doing anything after the game? Maybe we can hit the diner and I can tell Sabrina we don’t hate you anymore?”

“I could go for a milkshake,” Santi says with a smirk.

“Knock ’em dead!” Dylan roars, thrusting a fist in the air. “Metaphorically, of course.”